Reawaken my dream life

^{(lucid afternoon nap)}
I could hear my surroundings but I couldn’t move. My body felt paralysed, the dripping heaviness weighing down on me. My breathing slowed, shallow yet deep, my own breath yet not quite. I was awake but dreaming.

I wanted to explore my home in mid-lucidity, to experience things in this semiconscious state. It took several tries to get up from bed and with each try, I feared potentially rousing myself up. Standing, my room looked warped. I gazed out the window but the view wasn’t exactly how it’s supposed to be. I willed my dreaming brain to conjure up the right image, and the scenery rearranged like a puzzle, though still not quite right.

(I heard the furball barking, trying to wake me up. But not yet.. I didn’t want to leave this state just yet, not so soon…)

Parting ways with the window, I moved on into the bathroom where I saw my hazy reflection in the mirror. My hair covered my face and with a few shakes, my face revealed itself, blur and of a greyish colour. Peering down at the reflection of my upper torso, I lifted my t-shirt and uncovered a pair of eyes on my chest.

^{(January 17 – had missed this out.)}
On the ground level of my apartment building, I keep running into this boy (name’s Christopher?) I knew from church a long time ago. Looking at each other quizzically, I mention that I live here and our conversation flows from there. He sounds troubled and needs someone to talk to. We sit on a bench talking for awhile, then he suggests catching a movie together.

In the dimly lit cinema, a male staff member wearing a blue windbreaker walks down the center ailse and heads towards a teenage boy (wearing a blue jacket and matching coloured jeans) who was laying across several seats sleeping. He wakes the boy up, sarcastically says he’s smart for blending in so well with the blue seats, and watches him scurry out.

I begin to feel incredibly sleepy myself. The thick dreamy fog swirls around me and soon my eyelids are too heavy to remain open. There were jabbings on my side and I stir. Chris wakes me and I open my eyes to see the male staff gazing down at me. I realise I’m lying across the seats and quickly tell him I have a ticket and an ID if he wants to check.

^{(2 weeks ago)}
I’m in a multi-purpose hall helping several old ladies set up chairs and tables for a function. A guy with dark hair takes my hand and leads me to a corner with dull yellow painted walls. He tells me that one of the old ladies keeps smacking him, then returns to shifting the chairs.

The scene changes and I’m walking in a shopping mall, brainstorming ways to see him again when I bump into Amelia. She seems to be in a hurry and tells me she’s running late for a lunch date. I ask if we can meet after. She responds with a hasty “maybe” and steps onto the down escalator. I call out to her, ask if meeting downtown’s okay, but she gestures that she’s only heading out somewhere nearby.

I walk to a crowded burger joint with long queues. Standing to one side by an unattended counter, I survey the menu board above. It has no words and shows only small pictures of the burgers they offer, which annoys me.

Even though I’m not standing in line, a spunky lady in uniform with short hair approaches the empty counter and asks for my order. She removes the metal sign sitting on the counter imprinted with the word ‘alone’ (as pictured above) which I find puzzling. I glance at the menu on the counter hoping it will be more helpful, but it’s still the same small pictures without any descriptions. I try to decipher what burgers they are, then decide on a safe choice and order a cheese burger.

When my order’s ready, I take out a waxy paper bag with a messy, half-eaten burger to pay with. It disgusts me and I’m not keen on touching it. The spunky woman bravely digs her whole hand into the paper bag and pulls out the burger currency, as though it’s the norm.

Carrying the meal on a tray, I turn around and conjure up other plans.

It was daytime and mother was on the phone. I laid in bed and pretended to doze so I could listen in to her conversation. She checked if I was awake, then sat down on the edge of the bed and discussed about me.

There was a girl with dark, black lips and matching shade of eye shadow. (Myself?) I felt a rhythmic thumping; the ground (bed?) shook. I trembled. The dinosaurs were coming.
_{(Wish I could remember more..)}

Mother and I were in an unfamiliar, spacious compound where a small, white dog happily greeted us with wagging tail. We carried it to the field outside to frolic in the grass, but it ventured into a hazardous ditch. Mother stood on top of a rotting tree log along the edge of the ditch and called the dog back – which had now turned into a green snake instead.

I tried explaining to her that the snake would not answer to commands but she squatted down and continued calling after it. Just then, thousands of giant beetles and other insects came crawling out of the rotting log and made their way across the ditch to the other side.

As though watching a movie, these men in space suits, who were on a dangerous high-tech mission in outer space, were standing around a circular opening at the center of their shuttle – ‘the black hole’. A man stepped onto the metal ledge jutting over the opening and attached a thin but strong metal cord from his suit to one of the other men, an Asian.

The Asian man took a deep breath and jumped into the abyss; the unknown. But something was wrong. The man standing on the ledge was being pulled down with an incredible force. Panic washed over their eyes. The remaining men rushed to hold him back and together they lunged at the metal cord, pulling their fellow comrade back up as fast as they could.

He emerged from the black hole with the cord wrapped around his neck; body limp and stripped of any sign of life. I found myself asking, “Why do the Asians always die first?”

I was to compete in a marathon race and drove to the venue with a white car I had stolen. I managed to get 1st place, but was terrified out of my mind at the prospect of getting caught by the police. I became paranoid that the cops were onto me, and that they had bugged my phone and computer.

There was talk that this girl would be having an arranged marriage. She sobbed and told me, to my surprise, that I was the one she would be match-made to, and that she does not want to be forced into a marriage. I felt sorry for her and let her know I was already engaged to a Korean man, much to her relief.

Some time passed and I was now married and heavily pregnant with triplets. I was walking down the stairs when I tripped and fell. Worry washed over me as I tumbled and laid motionlessly on the ground, fearing I had “crushed” my babies. My husband and a doctor appeared by my side, and they noticed I had difficulty breathing. The doc set on to clear my nasal air passageway, while hubby spoke to me in Korean. He then realises something and mentioned to the doc (in English) that a piece of chewing gum might have gotten lodged somewhere in my throat.

There were men keeping me as well as other children hostage in my apartment. They gave us minute portions of food, barely enough to survive, and I knew I had to make a quick escape. I slipped out the front door when they weren’t looking and dashed into the elevator, hoping they hadn’t spotted me. I pushed the button for the ground level and waited. I was to run away as fast as I could the moment the elevator door opened and get help. But when the door opened, I realised I was still on the same level. I jabbed the ground level button again only to find that I was still stuck on the same level. This vicious cycle went on and on..

I was working as a make-up artist at a counter and a shopper had requested for a makeover. It was an old friend of mine from school with her mother, though she didn’t seem to have recognised me. I wondered if the reason was because I had put on alot of weight since I last saw her. At her request, I used the make-up she had just bought together with others of her own and worked on keeping a comfortable conversation flowing while dishing out compliments.

Her mother commented that I should probably lose some weight, which I chose to ignore and instead complimented on her slender figure. She smiled with glee, feigned bashfulness and proudly mentioned she goes for slimming wraps.

Due to recent news reports, I had a disturbing dream where I saw three little girls clinging onto a long rope just outside of my apartment window, swinging to and fro in mid-air. Before I could understand what was happening, they lost their grip all of a sudden and plummeted down many floors. Their tiny, frail bodies were splayed out on the ground below, and one tried stand up and brush herself off but stumbled. A passer-by rushed to help another to her feet but she fell over as well.

I yelled for my friends to call for help. They were too shocked to react quick enough so I jumped up and grabbed a phone. I told the male operator on the line what had just happened and said to hurry. He asked for the address which I promptly recited, only to be responded with “hold on” while he checks the map for directions. He proceeded to ask if there were any landmarks around, when I spotted a hospital closeby.

I was on a ship made entirely out of glass. The captain had crashed it and then disappeared, leaving me and the few other passengers to fend for ourselves. The crash had broken off the top half of the ship into shards, and we knew we had to somehow steer what’s left of the ship to that particular destination where we’ll be safe.

We sailed into a dark cave with dark, murky water. There were pirates all around and in the shallow water, carrying heavy chests of golden treasure back to their ships, hoarding as much wealth as they can. They appeared to have been there for a long time. Their wooden ships were old and cracked, strained and crippled under the excessive weight, rendering them useless. The pirates were terribly worn out and exhausted. Their clothes were tattered and torn. But had eyes consumed with so much greed that they were no longer able to stop themselves from taking more, and more.

We knew this was a test along the route to reach the safe haven, the ultimate destination. We tried to steer the ship around and past them, avoiding the temptation of unlimited wealth. The pirates were still going about their business, unaware of us in the broken glass ship, until one spotted us and realised we were not stopping to pick up the treasure, to give in to temptation. We were immediately looked upon as unwelcomed enemies. They all started making their way to us, scrambling to seize our ship as use for more storage space.

They were climbing into our ship, and we had to protect ourselves. We each grabbed a sword even though we had no idea how to use them and fought them clumsily. The worn out and weakened pirates proved to be no match for us and we managed to make our way out of the bloodshed and danger zone quickly.

Soon, we reached the safe destination where they welcomed us with open arms and gave us a well needed feast.

I was dining in a somewhat classy restaurant with a boyfriend and two other friends (who may have been a couple as well). The pregnant waitress serving us was rather sloppy. After our appetisers, she served us our main course and, instead of getting a new, clean spoon, she took the spoon from my finished soup bowl and placed it on our friend’s plate. We contemplated on whether we should voice our disappointment to the manager or let it slide since she was carrying a child.

The scene changes and the boyfriend and I were looking for someone, our child, I think. We were in panic mode as there were suspicions of a kidnap. There were people around. We talked with them; pleaded and negotiated with them. I broke down and dropped to the ground, pretending to have fainted, trying to cook up a better strategy and buy some time. The boyfriend rushed over to see if I was alright. He brushed the hair away from my face and cradled my head, trying to rouse me back to conciousness. He held my hand and I gave him a light squeeze, letting him know it’s a trick.

I was in a crowded bus and there was a ghost on one of the seats. Though I wasn’t frightened, I did not wish to make any eye contact and looked out onto the streets. There were other ghosts passing by as though going about their usual routines.

Then I was walking up the steps to a school with an older and younger brother. I had warned my big brother about the vision I had of him dying, that he must take all precautions not to make it happen.

Time passed, and things were going well. The vision was a forgotten memory of the past. Big brother had been working out alot and became very fit and healthy. All of us started to relax and enjoy life.

One evening, he had to attend to his regular “guard duty” of cleaning the men’s washroom in school. I came by with a boyfriend after classes to bid him farewell before leaving, and he looked at us with such happiness, glad that I’m finally taking it easy too. His duty lasts for 3 hours and ends at 11, and since we lived nearby, I knew he’d be home not long after.

When he drove home that night, my biggest fear was realised.

A vehicle had rammed into him from the back, which made him smash into the vehicle in front and swerve out of control. Cars in the other lanes crashed into him on the sides, and catapulted him onto the lane of an oncoming bus.

I rushed down to the massive pileup searching for him, in hopes that he was safe, but he was nowhere to be found. There was a pool of blood right by the overturned carcass of the bus, where several officials were inspecting, and I knew it was his blood.

He was gone.

I crumbled onto the gravel, and when I glanced back up, I saw my brother standing there. Only he was in his “guard duty” attire, charred and smouldering. _{(The attire looked creepily similar to the character above from Monsters Inc.)} He tells me he’s sorry, that he should have known, should have been more careful. He apologises again and again, and all I could do was weep for him.

I was awake, but not fully awakened yet. My body was tingling from the numbness, and I could not move. I heard sounds in the background – of the furballs snoring, and of traffic.

“I must be having a lucid dream,” I told myself and willed my body to glance at the bedside clock, but my vision seemed distorted. Instead of the bedside table, it was a sort of giant grey machine with dozens of buttons.

I felt myself beginning to float and wondered whether I would see myself sleeping if I were to look down. The sheets were the same, but the bed was empty. I turned to face the clock on the wall. The decor on the wall was the same, but with my distorted vision, the proportions looked wonky. I looked closely at the clock, trying to tell the time which was an impossible task as the numbers kept shifting around.

I floated higher and higher, and went through the ceiling. “Would I be able to see the neighbour’s room upstairs?” I thought to myself. Only it was my room again. The higher I floated, passing through many ceilings, it was the same room that kept appearing.

“Down!” I commanded myself. Immediately, I went falling down the same room over and over again. I felt like my heart was doing somersaults. “Stop!” I said, and came to a halt, continuing to float in mid-air. I thought of venturing out of my room and tried to propel myself towards the door using swimming strokes.

I floated right through the door into what must have been a bathroom. My father was trying to wash something off his hands and asked for my help. He showed me his palms and there were horrid looking brown shoots of some sort of fungus growing at the base of his fingers. I tried using a hose, hoping the powerful jet of water would wash them away.

Then I hear the sounds in the background again – of the furballs snoring, and of the early morning traffic. I feel the numbing sensation in my arm and leg from ‘falling asleep’. I turn over and open my eyes.