figure out what i want to do

Hmmm… reading this is really interesting! One year ago I wrote this!
I have done a few of the things on this list of mine, and several others that I hadnt put on the list ( because of fear!)
I left my husband, became a pinup model…( havent made any money yet…but thats ok) gave up belly dancing and poi…Have started doing alot more art, got a new man, got pregnant…and my goals have changed alot. I am definetly pursuing my goals without anyones blessing! Im doing it all for me ( and my daughter) ...and I feel great about it! I will write another entry on this soon…I need to think about this for a few!

ok, So I narrowed it down to a few things..and why I dont do them…I just dont understand myself. Maybe its cuz its too easy? Maybe its because I need drama in my life? Maybe its because I am codependant on other people, and I let their apathy and stagnation influance me? Maybe because I need to be depressed? I hate being depressed…so I just dont get it.
I have to stop stagnating, being apathetic and actually do the things I need to do to make these things possible!
Ok…What I want to do with my life:

1. Be an Artist. Translation= create art, make art , do art, give art, be art! Every day! Really put myself in my art! AND: Make money doing it!!! Being it, and performing it!
2. Belly dance. And perform.
3. Be a pin up model. And make some money doing it!
4. Learn and do and practice Poi=”Fire spinning”. Combine it with belly dance and perform in front of other people at goth shows, belly dance Haflas,mixed media events etc…
5. Make money doing the creative things I want to do!
6. Use that money to: Handle my credit, pay for medical care, buy my kid a car, buy myself a better working car, finish my tattoo, move back to California, buy a house, continue being an Artist and pay for my kid to go to college in the next 5 years! With or with out help from anyone else. With or with out anyones blessing. And with or without anyone else doing this with me!