Following my heart is really paying off. Intellectually, the choices I’ve made in the past couple weeks have been a recipe for insanity. Yet, my heart’s wisdom made the choices clear through raw emotion and desire. So glad I’ve followed this inner knowing, as while superficially I’m going crazy, mostly I’m deeply content and joyful with inner calm.
Dreamdancer12 has written 15 entries about this goal
While I had a wonderful time on a personal retreat this weekend, and had plenty of time absorbed in drawing, reading, soaking in the hot springs, etc, overall I felt a sense of disquiet and agitation. Normally I love being up at this particular retreat center. And don’t get me wrong, I was enjoying it. But I was antsy as well. And when I asked myself “if I could be anywhere in the world, doing anything i wanted to be doing at this moment, where would I be, and what would I be up to?” And the answer was that to find my sense of rightness and peaceful belonging, I needed to head home and curl up for a chill afternoon with my sweetie in his man cave. Yep, I love him enough that I’d rather be in his sweltering and far from beautiful apartment but with him than sitting beside a pristine mountain stream. How odd, and how refreshing that I’m accepting my own truth!
wow – so much has evolved since I last wrote an entry under this goal!
The upshot is that I’m convinced M adores me and will do everything in his power to see me well and happy, and that I’m overflowing with love for him as well, and busy showing it in every healthy way I can :)
We’re clear about wanting to marry each other, and starting to tackle some of the tougher life planning conversations with more seriousness and depth than the “what if” dreams we’d been entertaining previously.
I’m feeling really secure in my choice to be with M. Very little fear here, especially the more we dialogue and I have a safe and supported chance to work through the lingering insecurities.
The overwhelm today was more just about the reality check of the fact that while I’ve narrowed down my life choices playing field significantly by choosing to be with this one man for the rest of my life – there are still infinite opportunities to explore and choices to make as to what i want my life to include, what life style suites us best, and how we want to go about co-creating our future. Pheww!
This evening I spent about twenty minutes chatting on-line with my ex. It’s been a few months since we’ve talked. Last time we spoke was awkward conversation about the house key I needed him to return, and the fact that I was in a new relationship. Tonight it felt great to be able to converse as supportive friends who know each other well but who aren’t overly involved in each others lives any more. Felt good to touch base, and I’m looking forward to somewhat limited but consistant future interactions. Talking also reminded me where i was emotionally just six months ago and glad I am that I broke up with him to create the space for inviting in a new partner who can actually be here for me! How grateful I am to be with the man I’ve chosen to be with today instead!
and it is ok to trust that! Simple ;)
I’m thrilled to report that my romantic relationship is taking off into uncharted and unbounded territory! I feel more loved and better understood, appreciated, and supported than I ever have before! We’ve pieced together the rough map of who we each are, and how we compliment each other when we’re together. Loving what we have! Enjoying the journey of filling in the picture and manipulating the pieces our lives to fit snuggly together in smooth contentment :)
I’m choosing to follow my heart by going with the inner wisdom that this is right, strong, sustainable, and pure. I’m also startled by how fast the depth of emotional intimacy is unfolding, and how much we’ve come to mean to each other, and how much further we plan to intertwangle our lives in the near future! I’m not scared, particularly, more just surprised, lacking certainty, and generally hopeful with a buoyancy of euphoria!
after the innitial flurry of starting a romantic relationship together, M and I are retreating a little bit, taking some time to reconnect with ourselves and deal with our own challanges. Feels very “right,” and yet, I still find myself craving the “should” of being in a fairy book wonderful life time committed relationship by now. A friend of mine from my childhood posted pictures of her engagement ring on fb the other morning, and I felt like somebody had let all the air out of my balloon. So happy for her. Also quite disgruntled not to have found an equally established relationship for myself just yet. Ah well, this too shall pass, and all is well :)
Met a new woman at work tonight, an LMT who is considering starting her own practice, and might be interested in subleasing my treatment room part time. Learned a lot about how much i have to share and how much I love to mentor. Also realized how excited I am at the concept of getting a good $$ deal for staying on for another 2 year contract. Lots to ponder and process.
This partnership that I’m in is so real! I love being with him, and it’s recipricated :) Trick now is to pace ourselves as we figure out how to comfortably integrate being together and weaving our lives together with still meeting our own self care needs and keeping up with work, our other friends, etc. Lots of big shifts! Just gotta rememeber that I get to choose whether or not I’m ok with each step along the way, and that nothing is given at this point. I’ve got to allow him to express himself and stay true to his own desires, but that doesn’t mean that I’m forced to sacrifice my own unless I choose to in order to experience more rewarding compromise :)
I don’t have to get approval or permission for the choices I make from anybody other than myself! What a concept!
I choose what i want, and they get to choose how they want to respond to my choices. That simple. No guilt involved since it isn’t about them, it’s about me, living my life, on my terms, and asking to have my needs met!
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