Accept that I am bisexual

Well, this new development was that, after about 6 months of my boyfriend being okay with me meeting bi women, I went out on my first semi-”date” with a girl. It wasn’t really a “date” though because she is also in a serious relationship with a guy (there engaged!), but it was a great experience. There was no pressure, and we knew that if nothing “happened” that it was okay. It wasn’t about having a random hook up, it was more looking for companionship with someone who was in the same situation than anything else. But she is a hottie! lol. I feel that by opening up to meeting other women like myself, that I am taking a big step in the right direction. And it definitly helps that my boyfriend is right behind me, encouraging me to go down my own road. I feel so happy with myself and my bisexually, I’ve never been this happy with it. I know that this may not be the right route for other bi woman and men, there are a lot of bi monogomists out there, and that’s great! It doesn’t mean that you can’t be a proud bisexual! For me though, I feel this is the way my life should go, and I no longer have to feel sorry about that.

Well, I feel as if I’m very very close to completing this. I’ve starting going to a support group that has changed my life, and I am now more open with talking about it to my boyfriend, who has given me so much encouragement to accept myself-it’s great! Tommorrow marks 3 years since I first came out, and I know that soon I’ll be happy with myself. It seems weird to have already been out for 3 years, but not have ‘accepted myself’ during those years. And it also sounds weird, that I could say “I am bisexual” over and over for those 3 years, but never once said to myself, “I am bisexual and proud of it.” I feel it’s two different things to know your something, and actually feel comfortable and happy with something. But I know I’m on my way to being happy with it, and being at peace with myself. YAY!!!

If feels like, the past few months, I have forgetten half of myself. For 2 years, I kept trying to have a very equal balance, but now it seems as if I have to remember and realize that I am bisexual. It’s not an “I want to accept it” it’s an “I have to accept it, or I will loose it”. That may sound weird ‘loose it’ but it’s true. I’ve been in a relationship with a man for about 5 months and sometimes I feel as if the other half of myself has become nothing. People now assume I’ve “turned straight” and I have not. It’s not something that you can “turn into”. I feel like I’m fighting to keep my identity. I don’t know if that means I’ve accepted myself or what. It doesn’t feel like it. It feels forced. It also feels as if I’ve lost contact with that whole side of my life. I used to at least participate in the community sometimes. I used to be a part of something, and now I feel like I can’t be a part of that anymore. This probebly just seems like a bunch of words randomly put together, but it all has tremendous meaning to me. It’s how I feel now about who I am. And it kind of scares me.

Well, this one has been on my list for a few years (way before I found this website) and I think it will, by far, be one of the most difficult goals for me. I keep thinking thoughts like, “yea, I accept myself, and f*ck every one who doesn’t”. then I hear someone say something mean about bisexuals or gay people, and all of my acceptance goes away. dissolves. It sucks. One day I’ll be fine, and the next I just wish… I dunt even know. Maybe that one day I will be totally okay with myself. It just hurts. And I feel like it’s a mountain that I’ll never get over… but then I feel that little voice inside of me saying, “You can do it.”