Write letters to 5 people who most influenced my life

Sometimes people who have negative influences in our lives have a huge impact in a positive way.

I have been on a journey of self-discovery over the last couple of weeks. I emerged from my home, my security, my comfort zone on December 27. I placed my packed suitcases into my car and I jumped in to drive to my Aunt’s house. Who would have thought that my life would change so dramatically over the next 13 days.

My Aunty Sue has a great effect on me. She enables me to ‘see’ myself and realize my full potential! I was only going to stay one night but I ended up being there for three days. I couldn’t bring myself to leave. When I am in her company, in her home I rejuvenate. I enter a scared child and I always leave a stronger more capable woman.

The next stage of my journey was to Auckland. I had not been in Auckland since my biological father and I had had our relationship destroying argument. To me, Auckland represented failure, my inability to be a good daughter. However it also meant independence, strength and the ability to walk away from harmful situations. I had missed my family but I wasn’t yet strong enough to visit. Making the decision to visit was empowering. Knowing that I was in control and that Ross no longer had the power was amazing! I dropped in on my Aunt (who lives behind Ross!!!) for an intended couple of hour visit. Three days later I had cried, laughed, hugged, talked, drunk and danced with a variety of family members. I still hadn’t left. I was welcome in their home, I was family!

While I was there I came to terms with a lot of my past. I realised that sometimes people who have negative influences in our lives have a huge impact in a positive way. While I didn’t like that my father was an alcoholic and that he had let me down countless times, he was still my father and he shaped my life significantly. I decided that in order to fully let go I needed to forgive. I thought I had, I truly did. Being in my aunt’s home that I spent so much time as a child made me feel the emotions I had as a child. But I was able to see Ross in a new light. No longer was he the man who hurt me so badly but a man to be pitied. He had lost out on soooo much of his life by shutting me out. He had the chance of a family but he chose alcohol. That is not a reflection of me I have FINALLY realized. That is him. His issue. I am ok!

I wrote him a long letter explaining my hurt. I don’t know if he will ever see it. He is blind in one eye and I don’t know if he will be able to read it and I don’t know if it would be good for any of the family to read it to him either. However writing the reasons why I felt let down REALLY freed me. I am free.

I love you Ross, even if I don’t like you at all.

But most of all, I LOVE ME!

Sometimes you dont realise how much someone influenced your life till they sre gone. My ex boyfriend just text me and said that his grandfather passed away 9 days ago.

Now this man was a grumpy old sh*t. he never called on birthdays, he always made trouble BUT when it came down to it he loved his grandchildren! When Jeff and I were looking to buy a house we were slightly short on the deposit. Gdad leant us $5,000 to make our dreams possible. He never came to visit and he constantly reminded us that we borrowed the money but I knew that he was sooo proud of his 20 year old Grandson buying a house. Jeff and I broke up less than a year and a half later so we sold the house and paid Gdad back the rest of the money that we owed him. Thanks to this loan both jeff and I walked away with serious cash. Mine was enough to pay of most of my bills and go on holiday. Jeff was able to use his to put a VERY sizable deposit on a house by himself. All this from a grumpy old man. RIP Gdad Although you would never let me thank you in your life time, let me thank you now!

I have written my letter to Sam, addressed an envelope and it is ready to be given to him now. It said NOTHING of what I wanted to say yet it says everything. I think that he will understand. If not, it doesn’t matter. This process was for ME. For me to say what I had to say, to release feelings and show gratitiude. I have done this with Sam. I still want to write to Sue and thank her and I need to think of another 3 people….

and I still hadn’t written to Sam. I am physically writing it now. Like Marla aka Flylady says Progress NOT perfection! Who cares if the letter isn’t perfect. Sam will get the spirit of the letter regardless. Ok back to it…..

I was talking to a friend today about how much Sam has helped me become who I am and how much I love and respect him for it. I think that I would like to put all these feelings down in to a letter for him. We are still friends and I know we will be for a long time yet, but I want him to know from me how grateful I am to him. He is such a wonderful guy and I am blessed to have dated him for a year and a half. Thank you for being you Sam and for allowing me to realise that I am a wonderful person just as I am without having to change. xoxo

I need to write a letter to my old boss Sue. She really saved my life. Through that I changed the course of my life for sure. I would like to say thank you to her and let her know that through her actions I got help and am still alive. I dont know if she even knows how much she helped me but I would lkike to thank her. I dont even remember her surname or know where she lives but I want to do this.

Will these be people I know, or people who inspired me and therefore influenced me? Will these letters just be written or will they be sent?

Hmmm Lots to think about