List 43 reasons why 43Things is better than MySpace

31) As can be seen by the picture, people on MySpace are boring. Adding friends all morning? My god. Click. Click. Click. It’s like playing an all-text, browser-based RPG, except you don’t actually get better at anything.

Exciting goals like “GO CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY!!!!” ensure that 43Things is never a dull place.

25) When people on 43Things hate me, they keep it to themselves. When people on MySpace hate me, they don’t hesitate to send me messages about how sickening I am.

26) I just logged into my 43Things account without a problem. It’s been 15 minutes and I still can’t log into my MySpace account. What service.

27) MySpace has a blog, but it’s an open-ended one. 43Things is like a blog with a purpose! I don’t have to read mindless rubbish about who my friends’ friends may or may not have a crush on on here.

28) Every time there is a technical error on MySpace, 12 angst-filled teenagers commit suicide. Actually, that might be a good thing…

29) MySpace actively encourages the customisation of everybody’s profile page – a practice which invariably leads to horrific load times and has often caused my browser to crash, and even my laptop to crash once while I was in the middle of an essay. As if that wasn’t bad enough, annoying people from MySpace then flood 43Things, add ‘customize my myspace’ to their list, and leave forever. 43Things does not allow the customisation of its pages. Thank God.

30) Once, on MySpace, somebody spent much time convincing me that he was more of a man than I’ll ever be by detailing how he frequently got drunk (despite being underage), how he had been, let’s say, coitally involved with a number of girls (despite being underage), and how he occasionally stole money from his brother to buy things with. Later, when he discovered I wasn’t Christian, he revelled in the fact that he would be ascending into Heaven while I rotted in Hell. People on MySpace are arrogant, and stupid beyond belief. No such incidents have occurred on 43Things.

24) Updates on 43Things are generally designed to improve the website. Not so on MySpace. They appear to have a new update on this morning, so that the ‘Log in’ button now changes to ‘Logging in’ for the brief few milliseconds before the page loads. Wow! That’s not all though, I also have to log in again every time I want to view a new page! Now how’s that for efficiency? I can’t think of a better way to piss everyone off.

Note: I’m not a moron, I am well aware of the fact that the above is a(nother) bug and not actually intentional. At least, I hope it’s not intentional.

22) One of the few things I liked about MySpace was the games. They have now removed the games section completely. I am seriously considering deleting my account. Again.

So, number 22 – MySpace doesn’t have Mahjongg anymore. 43Things doesn’t either, but I can at least glean some entertainment from reading what other people are writing about the goals I’m doing. I could sort of do this with the group system on MySpace, but…

23) The ‘group’ system on MySpace is stupid.

Edit: Erm, sorry, that apparently posted itself 3 times, after telling me it hadn’t worked twice. I’m not being an attention whore, I promise.

Edit 2: Ok, so the games section is still there. They have, however, moved it to somewhere harder to find, and I have to click twice more or something to get there. That’s reason enough to delete my account. Lethargy.

17) 43Things doesn’t email me every time someone so much as glances at my page.

18) On MySpace, the act of ‘whoring’ is acceptable, and will likely earn the person being ‘whored’ more friends. On 43Things, and indeed the rest of society, ‘whoring’ is generally frowned upon (unless you are a lonely middle-aged man)

19) On MySpace, once you have built up a fair stock of friends, you will receive at least 1 bulletin per minute that is guaranteed to be inane, making it impossible to find bulletins of value that your real friends might have posted. On 43Things, even if people did post crap every minute, you could just go to the page of whoever you wish to read, and see only their entries. Of course people don’t post crap every minute because the 43Things community is far superior.

20) Much of the MySpace website is given over to bands, particularly amateur bands, which, in my humble opinion, should all burn in Hell. It gives them the opportunity to unleash their abominations upon the good people of this world. Except the good people of this world don’t have MySpace accounts, so there’s no harm done, but it’s the principle… 43Things has no section specifically devoted to music.

21) Unwelcome ghosts from my past do not stalk me on 43Things (yet).

16) MY BLOOD NEVER BOILS AT THE SHEER CONTEMPTIBILITY OF THE PEOPLE ON 43THINGS.

8) I have never been ridiculed on 43Things for typing in proper English.

9) On 43Things, people don’t try to put me down when I over-accentuate my undisputed greatness (I’m sure they’d like to, they’re just too nice/see the joke).

10) MySpace has a Mahjongg game on it, which frequently causes me to be late for lectures and not go to bed until absurd hours in the morning.

11) 43Things encourages growth and personal development. MySpace encourages vanity, regression, corruption, deceit, promiscuity, rape and pillage (probably), self-harm, hostility, and the misconceived perception that you’re actually cool because you have a lot of little MySpace friends.

12) I have never tried to choke myself with a spoon because of something I saw on 43Things.

13) On 43Things, people have personalities and are different. On MySpace, people borrow their personalities and attitudes from music and the TV and are all clones of each other.

14) People that I find reasonable offline are often unveiled as complete morons on MySpace. I don’t know anyone offline who has a 43Things account.

15) 43Things doesn’t target me with adverts for online dating featuring scantily-clad women. And yes, this is a good thing. I consider it an insult to my intelligence. Come on, you really think I’m going to click on your advert just because you put a semi-attractive (and some of them aren’t even that) woman on it? Do you actually think that I am so vain and foolish that I’ll believe all the women on your website are supermodels? I can guess at the reality. So yes, 43Things does not enrage me with its advertisements, because it barely has any and they are text only.

6) Tom (above) created MySpace. He is lame (I mean, just look at those sideburns..). The 43Things Robots are not lame – their websites work, AND they frequently make improvements. Wow!

7) If the MySpace and 43Things communities participated in a massive battle royal, 43Things would win. Why? 24 people on 43Things have underground lairs. 24 people on MySpace can just about tie their shoelaces all by themselves. One would imagine that the sort of evil they’re concocting in those underground lairs is more than enough to dispatch a few million brainless morons.

1) The average IQ of all MySpace users is -36.8. The average IQ of all 43Things users is 44,829 (I know what you’re thinking – that number seems a bit low – but there’s a lot of 43Things accounts that I had no idea existed, so that’s why my IQ has been offset so much)

2) I don’t wait 15 minutes for 43Things pages to load, only to have my eardrums tortured with horrible music for a few moments before I find the pause button.

3) MySpace is funded by Rupert Murdoch, the tyrannical businessman responsible for defiling the press (more than it already was). 43Things is funded by Amazon, who were nice and gave me a free voucher when they couldn’t deliver my order on time.

4) MySpace is the best place on the internet to negotiate your next casual sex arrangement. 43Things is the best place on the internet to become more proactive.

5) My 43Things page isn’t frequently ‘down for maintenance’. Nor does it randomly close itself, or erase my profile information.

That’s all I can think of for now. I’m sure there are many, many more reasons.