meditate daily

Photograph by Photograph by maryn0503

Tightness – a pain best described as the pungent bitter taste of my past. These are the things I have been feeling in my heart. Ever since I became aware of doing heart-centered meditation/self-hypnosis, I have been aware of my heart. It feels painful when I short-change myself or do things that go against my nature. It feels lighter when I laugh.

So today, as I was doing the yoga bridge pose (I needed to stretch), I noticed the feeling of physical opening as I met the pose in its fullness. All those muscles in my chests, back, and shoulders were so tight that I could feel the release as I found relaxation in the pose (it has been awhile).

I meditated in this pose. I did not time it; I just let go and did it until the my thighs nagged me to end the position. My heart, which felt tight and restrained, felt opened and pampered. I had forgotten the physical sensations involved with yoga until today. And it hit home, how much everything is tied into everything else. What we think affects us in the physical world.

I needed this lesson today.

Photograph by nflorence2012 (such time en-route)

There are very few absolute rituals that I enjoy. It used to be coffee in the morning, but even that has fluctuation within it. Sometimes I drink flavored coffee, sometimes it is black, sometimes I add cream, and sometimes I drink tea.

And so it seems this applies to my meditation practices. There is no absolute one practice that I can repeat and repeat and repeat. I like variety. So today in honor of Valentine’s Day I found a wonderful heart centered meditation. Thought I would share it with you. Click here to go to it.

Photograph by Iwan Gabovitch

With the onset of being a pound heavier, it occurred to me to join our local community gym – it is free after all. My partner has already been a member for a few weeks. So today, I rode over with him, presented identification, had my picture taken, and filled out the application. But alas, I cannot play until everything is processed. I sat on a bench and waited for my partner to finish his workout.

But I decided to make that time useful. I picked an unobtrusive spot to gaze at (not at the weight lifters, not at the information desk and not at the door). Then I made myself comfortable, yet also as unnoticeable as I could. I worked on an awareness meditation for ten minutes. I let the sounds of bouncing basketballs, the enthusiastic yells of children playing, and the huff and puffs of the weight lifters relax me. Eventually the sounds all melded together. People passed by me. The light through the door shifted, but all in all a productive and peaceful meditation.

Photograph by cursedthing

Warm cat on my lap, purring herself to sleep. Thoughts of words to be written float in and out. Time is lost and I just recline in this semi-state of repose. I am aware of the traffic outside. I am aware of the furnace blowing warm air. I am aware of the weight of the cat. I am a battery that has been recharged, inspired, relaxed, hopeful…

I have been pretty faithful to meditating for ten minutes a day (except for one day this week). Normally, I do not mention or write about it because what I get out of the process is beyond words, but sometimes, rather than reaching a non-dual awareness, information comes to me.

What kept coming to mind today was the fact that I am still dealing with a disappointment (not getting a grant that I was sure was mine…). What came to me was that the real heart of my disappointment lies within the idea that I am a people pleaser. I want people to like me. It is a source of validation. The person responsible for providing the grant is a teacher of mine. This was not just a money disappointment but one where I felt rejected by this teacher, not worthy. In feeling this way, I realized I have put him in an unrealistic position where he decides if I am validated or not. In the past couple of days I have belittled him as a defense mechanism (in my head) (I went through a bit of an anger stage) So today during my short mediation, I became aware that I really like him as a person and he is a good teacher, but I really do not need him to like me (only to be a reasonable and knowledgeable source) in order to like myself.

Ah, my human silliness.

I managed to meditate for 10 minutes today. While acknowledging tightness in my body,I opened up to it and an image came directly to mind – that I was in a public pool, struggling to swim in muddy water. I had not caused the mud, yet I was trapped in it. When I asked what the purpose was of this vision, the answer came in the form that I need to get out of the muddy water or other people’s muck.