meditate more

I’m currently reading Lamentations by Ken Scholes and have come across a quote that gave me pause.

Neb laughed, “I only said I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.”
Brother Hebda laughed, too. “Oh. That’s easy, then.”
“Really?”
His father nodded and leaned in. “Watch for the ones who leave your mouth hanging open. Study them, find out what they love and what they fear. Dig the treasure out of their soul and hold it to the light.” He leaned in even closer now, so that Neb could smell the wine on his breath. “Then be like them.”

Beautiful. I hope I live my life in this manner and never settle for less than the person I want to be.

Adding a new mantra when I finally get around to making this habit:

Some people are just ass-hats, and there is no pleasing them. Aaaaargh.

The background to this is that I was pretty sick for little more than a year including recovering. I was on some pretty heavy antibiotics and stress aggravated the side-effects of the medicine. It was recommended to me that I take up some sort of hobby like meditation, yoga, or tai chi. I settled on meditation and got more into my bellydancing, both of which helped.

Since getting better, I’ve fallen out of the habit. I would love to take that discipline up once more, because even though things were bad I had a focus then and accomplished so much in the hours that I was awake. I’m happier these days, but sloth-like. I feel like a general torpitude is starting to set into my daily routine now that I am just two months shy of graduating with my masters and accomplishing on of my long term goals that has motivated me for so long. I even landed with my dream company on my first try and am already fully employed. (Sorry for bragging, but I am really proud of myself if I do say so. :p )

Still, what next? There is a world of possibility, but no singular point that I’m pushing towards for the first time in my life. So I basically need to do some soul searching, and managing my stress levels an area that I can always improve on.

And so I begin my quest for a new mantra.

Past mantras have included:

“So long as I have my health, I have everything.”
“Do not let the little rabbits get me down.”
“There is so much to inspire; I must be courageous.”
“There are more stars than I can see.”

And geekiest of all but probably my favorite and the most beautiful:

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”
- Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear