get over my depression

I really don’t know if I am bipolar or if its straight up depression. Sometimes I feel like myself again, a normal semi-happy person. And then I think about how crazy I get when I am depressed and it makes me feel like I’m bipolar because I don’t always feel ok. And then I think that my ‘good’ days are just completely fake. Maybe I’m just faking being happy because my depression is so overwhelming. Maybe I’m just addicted to being depressed. I feel so guilty when I am happy because I think about days I just want to crawl up and die. I do think I’m addicted to being depressed because I don’t know how to be happy, guilt-free. I want to be happy with no strings attached. I don’t want to think about my depression anymore and just live my life. I want to learn how to be happy, not fake-happiness.