get over him

It’s been months now and I can not get him out of my mind. I think about him everyday. Why?

Why can’t I let go of him the same way I feel he has let go of me?

Why do things seem so hard even almost 9 months later?

So after 7 months,I thought maybe I would take a stab at seeing other people again. I met this guy and agreed to have dinner with him a few nights ago. Things were going fine until he kissed me. When he went into another room, I started to cry. It just didn’t feel right. All I could think about was my ex and how this guy is no comparison to him.

Now this new guy wants a girlfriend and all I wanted was a date. I just don’t feel like I can get involved with anyone. Even just dating is hard.

He called me a couple days ago. It was late so I told him I had to go, but that I’d call him the next day.

The next day came. I thought to myself…”I told him I’d call…but I’m to busy, I just don’t have time to talk to him.”

As minor as that may be to some, that was a HUGE deal to me. I usually make time to talk to him. I am usually waiting on his call. Not anymore.

I am starting to embrace the fact that I don’t NEED him in my life for things to be great. I want him as a friend sure, but I need to pick up all the pieces of my broken heart and recooperate first.

He moved 2000 miles away. We talk at least once a week. We decided not to even try the long distance thing for fear it would ruin what we had together. So we’re ‘friends’. I am in the phase now where I try to talk myself into realizing that things are REALLY over between us. That just maybe he’s not ‘the one.’
I want so much to believe he is, but I just know in my heart that this can not be. Not right now and probably not ever. Though there is still a part of me that is desperately clinging to the hope that one day we will be ‘us’ again. That he will come to his senses…that he will realize how great we were together…how much we love each other…and how I am his ‘only one.’
He said he couldn’t have a serious commitment right now. But I can not remember a time in my life where I was happier. I wish he would feel the same. I wish he would stop being this macho guy and just tell me how he feels. Instead we don’t talk about our feelings- at all- and they fester in me like an illness…inflicting my head with nonsense and my heart with pain.
It’s going on 6 months now…when does it end?