because i was afraid of who would read it. but right now, i really don’t care at all because it’s the truth and it’s left me so fucked-up that it really doesn’t matter who reads this; it really can’t get much worse.
my sister made-out with my ‘boy friend’ (he was really just someone i invested a lot of emotion and conversation in; i lived 5 hours away from him at the time. i say ‘just’, but i loved him so much, and it still hurts like fuck.) a lot of times unbeknownst to me. my sister and i used to be best friends. she’s known me for nineteen years. this might not mean much, but she’ll probably be valedictorian, so she’s not dumb. she’s a model and socially beautiful. everything happened five months ago, and i’m still not fucking over it. i cried every day for three and a half months and had to quit my job because i couldn’t keep myself together. i see someone about it now, and the medication has helped me to control the crying. it hurts me so badly to know that she thought she could make him THAT much happier, thought she was that much better than me…what makes it harder is that we live in the same house. i really need help. fuck i loved him so much, and she knew it. she’s just the better version of me, and she knew that too.
