start caring about the things i used to care about

1. go back to pitt
2. embroider tee-shirts
3. play the hammered dulcimer
4. write new songs
5. write new stories

2-5 i’ve been doing practically since i was an infant. all of these things would make me happy.

to accomplish this goal is to remember what i used to care about:
1. school
2. having some type of plan no matter how ridiculous
3. playing the hammered dulcimer
4. devouring books
5. caring but not really caring about everything other than school
6. thinking before i speak
7. thinking in general
...

today was the first day i seriously considered going back to “real” college. although my motives are not admirable in the least, i feel better knowing that SOMETHING can motivate me, no matter how out of hand it is.

i’ve lost all motivation. i used to care so much about school and getting perfect scores, but i’ve seriously given up. i’ve always joked about not caring about school, but i must have cared a whole lot because i would spend HOURS and DAYS perfecting papers, and practice a presentation a million times over. last week i had to give a presentation for my writing class, and i didn’t even prepare for it. it was terrible! i was massively depressed and mumbled some stuff about sylvia plath (i love her!) and used the word “cool” twice! i think i said yeats is cool and so is she. they’re both cool. yeah, i’ve completely lost my mind. maybe i need an inspiring teacher. crap. i’m just making excuses for myself. i need to add that one to the list. it’s my own fault for being so apathetic about college. i told my brother i didn’t think i would graduate (i should add that too!), and it was funny because he just laughed. geez, i just need to figure out what i want.