decide what I want to be when I grow up

Okay. Wow. They let you have seriously long titles, don’t they? XD

But anyway.

People keep telling me I should be an artist….

And It’s beginning to piss me off.

My answers vary. Generally I say I don’t know. They then reply with ‘you should’ and shut up about the whole me-being-an-artist-thing, which is probably why it’s my most used answer.

Sometimes I say yes, and then the person ussually starts asking loads of random questions like “can I be your agent?” and shit.
Do artists even have agents?

And very occasionally I say no. But then I ussually get some rant about how I should be an artist.

I don’t even know why I don’t want to be an artist.

I guess I don’t really see art as a real job.

I mean, it depends on your definition of artist. Like, lots of people call themselves/are artists, but it’s not what they do. Or you can call someone an artist if you they’re good at art.

But I mean, doing art as a paid job.
In fact I can’t think of any artist (like, famous artist. Or at least well known) Whoose only job is doing art. And it’s a paid job.

and they’re still alive.

_{(Does banksy count? ...He doesn’t ussually get paid though. So I guess not.)}
I mean, I’d love to be remembered when I’m gone too, but being known when I’m alive is more important to me right now. (well, you know, not right now. I don’t expect people to give a shit about some random school girl that hasn’t done anything much. XD)

But yeah.

And you know, the artists that do have art as their only job, realy don’t get paid that much.

I mean, I guess if you did something involving art, your still an artist. Like, a graphic desighner or whatever.
Maybe you don’t get people who just do… art.

Which kinda sucks.

But I mean, what do people mean when they say I should be an artist?

XD I don’t think they think it through all that well.
Actually, I think I’m thinking it through too much.

So I’ll shut up now.

Still dunno if I want to do something art-related or not…

whatever…

Bye…

-Alina

Okay…
So yeah.
I don’t really know.

I mean… Ugh.

This is hard to explain.

Okay, So since I was like, 5 I’ve wanted to be a writer/author/whatever. Someone who writes stories. XD

(before that, I apparently wanted to be a doctor in a circus selling icecream. No lie.)

Except I’m beginning to doubt that now.
I mean there’s no point doubting it because then I just… don’t know what to do.

Am I making any sense here?

I’ve pretty much stopped writing too.
And (to a lesser extent.) reading. I used to read every single night before I went to sleep, and now I hardly ever do.

I guess it’s a lot to do with school aswell. The english lessons here sucks so badly.
We’ve had 4 different english teachers this year. They all sucked. One was actually fired ‘cause they sucked so much.

SO yeah. I’m loosing all my enthusiasm for writing. And english in general.

But that’s all I’ve ever wanted to do.
(well, I’m sure I must have wanted to be a vet at one point. But no. Just… no.)

And if I don’t want to do that, then I don’t know what I want to do….

So yeah.

I want to decide what I want to do.

Which might be writing.
I kinda hope.
Because I want to want to write. But I don’t.

I’m in a confused mood.

Ugh….
Hope this made sense.

- Alina

P.S: Sorry for the serious-ness of this entry. I’m not in a great mood. >__<

EDIT: ‘kay…
I actually wrote this 4 days ago. (8th of june.) But apparently 43 things decided to post it at the same time as my artist entry thing.

XD