go home

I’m going to quit whining and do what I can to make this happen. If I focus on a practical plan, it should be doable by late summer… _{and that’d be just the right time :)}

I this has been on my mind more often than not. Kind of like having “Homeward bound” as a theme song. I always thought of my time here as a temporary stop, and now that the stop is becoming long, everything is getting confusing. And somewhere inside, there is an urge, to go back to the base and figure things out, to go back and sort things out. I miss being back home. Sometimes a verse of poem keeps banging in my head and I go looking for somebody to share it with, and I miss having those friends of mine around. I miss hearing the neighborhood gossip in the background. I miss getting the obscure comment made by a stranger in the bus. I miss having a clear picture of the value system. I miss the entire experience, and I feel like a circular piece in a puzzle of square parts.

My sister sent me a whole bunch of pictures and I have been going through them, trying to get familiar with faces that have changed… trying to be a part of it again. I’m afraid to admit that I don’t know them well anymore. And among other things, there it was: she’s engaged now. I thought I still have time. I thought I can just keep myself busy, and then one day I’ll go back and find everything and everybody exactly the way I left them there. ‘guess not. I’m not particularly sad or crushed, maybe only a little disoriented (it took me three attempts to find the vitamins this morning, and I know which cabinet they’re in). I wish my soul was liquid.