“I used to be dying to get out of college.
Then I was dying to get married.
Then I was dying to get a good job.
Then I was dying to get a promotion.
Then I was dying to get the kids off to college.
Then I was dying to retire.
Now, I’m dying and I realize that I forgot to live.”
-anonymous
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This entry is so important… There are so many little things every day that many parents/SAHMs feel must get done, and now. For me it’s laundry… starightening up the toys my children leave on the floor… making sure that when my littlest daughter changes her clothes a hundred times before deciding on a dress-up outfit, I replace the clothing so that when my husband gets home the clothes are not everywhere… making sure my hair and make-up are perfect for my husband so he does not return home to a weary, disheveled wife… timing everything perfectly so that the day goes by in a smooth, organized manner…
Then there are the non-daily items that must be done as soon as possible and no later than that.
Unpacking… organizing everything that is unpacked… figuring out as many new creative foods for my kids (that they will eat) so they do not have the same thing again (even if they like the same thing, I don’t want to bore them)... making sure that I have clothes that are attractive and modest enough and yet nice enough to keep my husband interested… finding activities for the kids so they don’t sit around saying, “I’m bored”... my concern about my email and whatnot, that it has to be done soon or else I am failing miserably as a friend/wife/person…
Or am I?
The laundry needs to be done, things need to be unpacked, and of course I need to wear clean clothes… But it can all be put on hold (even if for only an hour) while I play with my children. So what if they ate lunch yesterday at noon, and today it’s 12:30? So what if my husband comes home to a wife who is not wearing make-up and her best clothes, but who is laughing and chasing the kids around and having fun with them? Will he really complain if I am wearing the same skirt that I wore for an hour the day before, and hung back up because it was still clean and pressed? If my kids have peanut butter & honey sandwiches, an apple and a glass of milk for lunch two days in a row, and that is what they are demanding, will it hurt them? No.
There is nothing that cannot wait for a few… My email will still be there when I get up tomorrow, as will the boxes. Today I was so sick that I did not get out of my pajamas (or my blankets, for that matter) until 1:00 pm! Lo and behold, I didn’t keel over from death by fashion faux pas! I… started getting better! ::gasp:: And my husband did not once say, “Gee hon, you look like poo!” LOL
My children are growing up, and fast. My daughter will never take her first steps again, and my son may outgrow Thomas the Tank Engine tomorrow or the day after. My oldest son already fixes his hair and says, “Mooommmm!” with a glare whenever I kiss him on top of his head or “sproing” one of his curls (which used to make him laugh). I wish now that I had played dolls with my oldest daughter when she was still playing with dolls… now it is too late, and she has no recollection of the house being clean, she remembers Mommy being “very busy.” =(
Usually the highlights of my whole week are the moments I spent with my children. The days that I balanced things that really DID need to get done with spending time with them. I rarely go out to coffee, and even less often go out to movies (my husband doesn’t mind me going out, but I haven’t met many people here and I hate going alone). Most days I am with the kids, and even when my husband and I figure out a way to trade days to do stuff (he has invites to stuff with people from work, and I can go get coffee or head to the bookstore or something), I usually choose to just stay home and either be useful or do something with the kids.
But speeding through space in an enchanted train, with SpongeBob, Spiderman, Cat Girl and “Princesses Gintarra” (my 2.5 year old daughter’s new pretend name =D), while eating cookies and singing “there’s a hole in the bottom of the sea” ... that will only last a short part of my life.
My husband spends time with the kids when he can (he sometimes has work that needs to be done from home), weekends he is available more often since his employer cannot force him to work on Saturday (Sunday too usually, but if it’s due Monday or is a huge project that is due later in the week, it needs to get done before he gets to the office). So I always get mad at my husband when he is doing something that can wait, and yet he tells the children that “Daddy is very busy.” I see them walk away looking so sad, knowing how much they miss him during the day. I tell my husband exactly the same thing that I am writing here, at this moment.
Yet how often do I take my own advice?
True, more often than he is able to, since I stay at home with them while he works. But beyond that, how many minutes and hours could I rearrange my priorities and head to the Moon or go shopping at my son’s “grossery store” (because he “only sells things that are gross” =D)? In ten years, will I have a chance to be a Kung-Fu master who is also a magickal butterfly princess? No. I am fooling myself if I do not think they are just as sad when I say “Mommy is very busy, let’s do this tomorrow…”
I already cherish the nights up with the children, because even though they are mostly spent singing them back to sleep, I cannot honestly say that there is something I am supposed to be doing instead of sleeping, which can wait for a little while (or the next night). Funny how the world doesn’t end when it’s 3:00 am and the boxes are still packed, or I have no idea what to make for breakfast. It all waits... and perhaps sometimes it can during the day as well.
There is no guarantee that I will be here tomorrow… God may wish me back at any moment, and I will not spend the last moments of my life wishing that I had spent more time with my children. I would rather die knowing that someone else will have to fold the laundry, because I was busy playing pretend.
=)
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I may never see tomorrow; there’s no written guarantee,
And the things that happened yesterday belong to history,
I cannot predict the future, I cannot change the past,
I have just the present moment, I must treat it as my last,
I must use this moment wisely for it soon will pass away,
And be lost to me forever as part of yesterday,
I must exercise compassion, help the fallen to their feet,
Be a friend unto the friendless, make an empty life complete,
The unkind things I do today may never be undone,
And friendships that I fail to win may nevermore be won,
I may not have another chance on bended knee to pray,
And thank God with humble heart for giving me this day.
-Author Unknown
