Yes, I know that there are goals here to “control” our dreams, however “command” seems to truly describe what I wish to do.
“Control” seems to imply that I wish to affect/change all of my dreams. The word “command” to me both implies the control I occasionally need within my dreams, as well as my ability (years ago) to choose what I dreamt, and stay conscious of the fact that I was dreaming. It took years to get there; I was 9 when my best friend’s Mom began helping me with this (she would often awake to my screams at night, from my dreams of memories, when I was staying with them).
By 17 years old, I could affect the outcome of most of my dreams, and in many I was able to recognize that I was dreaming. If I was stuck in a dark void, filled with awful visions, I could transform it into a garden if I wished. If I was stuck in a garden and wished to venture into that void, I could do that as well.
By the time I was 19, I had achieved nearly constant awareness of all dreams; I knew I was dreaming, I could affect the dream while still within it, and I was able to not only fall asleep when I wished, but dream what I wished/needed to dream. When I met my husband this was one of those things that amazed him, and something I began taking for granted.
I am unsure what happened, I just know that with more to do during the day, I spent less time meditating, reflecting, accepting and appreciating my dreams, or even really appreciating sleep... It became something that took away much-needed productive hours. It was not until I realized I had lost all command over my dreams that I understood what a blessing this had been.
I think this will be like riding a bicycle, or speaking a foreign language (that may actually be the more accurate of the two, as it is the learning and understanding the language of the mind). Once it is learned, it is never un-learned; it merely takes time to remember.
This is extremely important to me right now. It will not happen right away, it may not even happen by the end of the year, however I know that the knowledge I once held so glibly will return, and this time I will nurture and cherish it.
I cannot sleep… I have almost always struggled with insomnia (since I was small), however recently it is becoming ridiculous. I am not only having awful (which I welcome, if I am able to utilize the meaning in them, which recently I have not been able to) and strange dreams. I am experiencing a strange sort of “survival response” when I begin to fall asleep… the same get-out-of-here-quick feeling a person has when in actual danger. I will start to drift to sleep, and 8 out of 10 times I will jolt awake not even 10 seconds after, with my heart racing and my brain telling me AURGH WATCH OUT! ... o_O This happens so often now that it takes me a good hour or so just to relax enough to drift into sleep now.
I need to work on this, I need to remember, and I need to apply it to my unhealthy sleep patterns. I ask the forgiveness of anyone reading this who is becoming motion-sick while attempting to hang onto my train of thought. ;) I have managed just over an hour of sleep (before anyone writes to lecture me – ::lol:: – I have been laying down and resting!!), and this only after my youngest daughter awoke and fell back asleep next to me. For some reason the nightmares and startled-awakenings do not occur when I sleep next to my children.
Insh’allah it will not be that long before I can walk my dreams again in a state of confidence and mindfulness. =)
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please click here to view the stunning (and to me, terrifying) original photo, which is (regrettably) not my photo. =)
