In so many ways. This is a long-term goal, no question about it.
Wow.
I was looking for something that captured all of it, all of what I am struggling with, deciding, working out, learning to live with… all of it. Nothing quite fit. There was not a single goal that says
figure out how to overcome my ED (and at the same time overcome my fear of not being good enough for my husband), be a wonderful wife, save my marriage, be the best Mom I can be, be truly happy, do something with my life before I pass away quietly at 90, be the person I was meant to be, find myself, accept what I have lost of myself, (the list goes on and on and on) and all the while figure out how to keep a great perspective on everything…
Nope, not a single goal that says this. So I callously type into the search: “FIGURE IT OUT” ... and here it is. Incredible. It fits, and so very well at that. I want to figure it out... all of it.
I love that the term “figure” represents my desire to fit it all into a neat little logical equation, algebraic solutions to life’s difficulties. If only it were so.
I suppose this will be the place that I think, ramble, wonder out loud, in essence try to figure it out. There is so much. But I firmly believe that nothing in this life is insurmountable, nothing is so big that we cannot deal with it and move on; let go.
Usually it is our unwillingness to face these things… so many “what ifs” ... so many “maybes” ... so many times I say “I can’t deal with this right now” when really I can, I just don’t want to.
This just might be my most productive goal yet.
