manage my Bipolar disorder

So its been now 3 months since I re-adjusted my meds, from 300 to 150mg of Quetapine, I find that I am waking at 6-7 am without a hangover from the meds, just in time for working out or simply just catching up with the news and getting ready for work. My sleep quality has not been negatively impacted at all which is just amazing, I didn’t know how this change would affect sleep time so I am glad all is still well. I have noticed that I am able to concentrate for longer periods of time on work and study, and most importantly I’ve not had a day where I’ve felt like I am crashing down from a beautiful high and bountiful energy – its like I have all the energy I need everyday, all day and this means not having to worry about the next roller coaster.

At times I have felt a bit overly excited about things, like everything just seems so crystal clear and beautiful, the other day I was so amazed by opening the tap when I wanted a drink of water, amazed at the idea of clean drinking water straight from the tap, five minutes late I realised I’d ben looking at the water running while playing with it on my hands, all the while thinking how amazing nature is, here is this liquid that we control through a massive network of pipes through thousands of kilometres, just to get to me at the very precise moment in time, while drinking the glass I’d just filled I closed my eyes and just felt the cool water run through me – as if I’d just downed 10 shots of vodka all at once – I almost felt guilty for looking at it for so long and letting it run for so long when I finally realised what I’d been doing for the past 5 minutes enamoured in thought.

I am not sure exactly how to classify this but it felt amazing, and it was nothing like other times, it was clear and had reason.

So its been a couple of years now since my first diagnosys of Bi-polar, I personally don’t know too many people with Bi-polar however I’ve read of many and indirectly share in their stories and experiences

I think its time to share mine…

step into my world…........

schmoozer2008.blogspot.com

Its Sunday, it just been amazing been able to dedicate time to one thing at a time

... recommend it to anyone

I am comparing to the times when making a simple decision like which socks to wear can be become as complex as opening your front door in the dark.. eventually you get it but you know you will never again get those 50 odd minutes back of your life!

Yep.. today I can make Gordon Brown look like donky kong and Barack Obama loo like an alter boy, yep today is one of those days where decisions are made faster than my Pc, colors appear brighter, light sharper and feeling of omnipresence just gets stronger as I move through the day without delay… I wish this feeling never stops…

Not because I can’t or don’t want to, but because of all the repercussions that this may have workwise – I mean, so many people just don’t get what this Bipolar is…. and to be honest I’d rather concentrate on me than spend my time and energy to explain….specially when there is heaps I still don’t know, heaps I’m still learning about myself…..

It helps to write about it, the other day I had two rather long entries, ready for me to press “save this entry”, however I recided to delete them…

My good sense of judgement tells me that this should and will not matter in my future career – if they must pass on judgement on my suitability and capabilities for the job solely of mostly on one part of me/life I would not want to work in a place like this…..
However.. the better part of me seems to ring caution.

Wow !!

• Got my sleeping back in order
• I finally have my exercise schedule back in order
• Food schedule back in order
• I am relying less and less on Coffee and copious amounts of Valerian root to stabilize my moods -
• I have lost 6kgs
• I feel more confident about where I am taking my Bi-polar
• I’ve started to learn how to use/direct my highs in positive ways

Bouncing off the walls has never been so much fun!!
LOL
Yeah, there is always the chance of going overboard but your in a controlled environment, you know the worst that can happen is 100 times less than the times you never had back up plans in place, just in case.
This is by far the hardest thing to do for me when thinking purpose – or have my sights set on something whatever it is, a feeling, a thing, a place, an actual objective, and point in time – whether it it means getting it, re-creating it, re-living it, going there bringing it here – , this get scary sometimes… here can loose all sense of time and meaning…...

Coming up with sets of thoughts that can keep things real takes heaps of thought and time and sensibility and foresight… all of which individually get distorted in their own way.. at least that’s how it seems….

Merry Christmas to you all!!

I know I am going to be bouncing off the walls for the next few weeks – it usually happens around this time of year except I always thought it was what everyone does around this time of year but apparently it’s not the done thing to party like it’s the last days on earth and it is not the done thing to invite yourself to other ppls parties (specially when you do not know anyone, or go around hugging pepople on the street cus you feel all cuddly and stuff.. I hope I get away with at least being able to offer strawberries to the person next to me on the bus home…... anyways..

*Remember that I now do not drink alcohol
*Stick my MEDS*Double exercise routine during these 6 weeks (as I am already feeling the extra energy.
*Keep getting heaps of sleep – or as much as possible – preferably 8 hours a night (10pm – 6am)
**Stick to my eating plan – Although Turkey and Ham and Panetone and Ginger beer and Ice cream is allowed (but not together cus of the sugar content)

I’ll add some more things later

You know this is not as easy as it sounds… but not as hard as we think it is

Today I was able to work through half of an entire module which is meant to take me a months to complete…. and this reminds me that is not normal either…. but how grand!! it’s well worth remembering that my extremes can work for my benefit .