I am, sometimes, very aware of the transitory nature of youth. Often when see older people I wonder if they still feel 17 inside. I’m sure many 70 year olds look in the mirror and think that the person they see is not an authentic representation of who they are. I feel like I’ll wake up one day soon and realise I’m 70 too. Although it is still more than three times my age I’m sure it will come much faster than the years suggest- in a similar way to my being aged nine years old was only yesterday.
I keep feeling that my youth is something beautiful that is slowly slipping from my grasp. I feel like it is something that I have not figured out how to do properly, and that others often excel at naturally.
Somehow even if I indulge in the trappings of youth- like getting drunk at parties- it feels more like I’m merely ticking the boxes of ‘what a young person should do’, rather than doing something that feels really, really authentic.
I’d like to have an amazing youth, even if I have a happy, beautiful life I don’t think I’ll have this degree of freedom again. Youth is a great time to experiment in a way that older people might not feel so free to do (although maybe this should change, and might already be changing).
