meditate daily

Usually when I am refilling our giant water jugs at the coop, I make a game out of dashing up and down the aisles, seeing how many items I can cross off my list and still get back to the water jug before it overflows. This time I just stood there. And breathed. In. And Out.

On the second or third jug (we have 5) I started closing my eyes and listening for the change in sound as the empty space in the jug gets smaller when it’s almost filled up. It seemed kind of relaxing and meditative—except for the need to open my eyes quick when I hear the jug is almost full and shut off the water before it overflows!

Maybe next time I’ll skip the eye-closing part.

I have been doing this before bed every work night for a few months, with a brief lapse while I was sick. I feel like this is making a big difference for my stress levels and the quality of sleep I get at night. I’m not going to work on increasing to every single day for now. Just this is a fabulous change.

I got sick 2 weeks ago: I stayed home from work and I was sleeping all the time, some days I barely got out of bed. Since then I haven’t settled back into the before-bed meditation habit that I have been enjoying for a few months. Help! I miss my meditation.

For the last few nights I have fully intended to start again: into the bedroom at 9:30 for quiet time before bed. But each night something comes up at 9:25 and it doesn’t happen. Last night it was a program on aging that it was very important to my partner that I watch to inspire conversation about my aging parents.

OK team, back me up here. Tonight, nothing will deter me!

This morning I was ahead of schedule getting ready for work. I had 10 minutes before I had to leave, and all I needed to do in that time was check my hair in the bathroom mirror. But my roommate was in the bathroom. Instead of going to the computer to see if anything new was going on in my online world (here or on Facebook or on my email) since I had checked it 15 minutes before… I just sat. And breathed. And waited for the bathroom to be free. No need to rush. No need to let the computer rule my existence.

It was nice.

So last week I really committed myself to this goal. I blocked out time at 9:30 every work night to meditate for as long as I choose, and it made such a dramatic improvement in my mood, my sleep, my ability to focus at work… I just love it! I stopped keeping track of how many minutes I sit for. Now it’s just a binary: either I did it or I didn’t. My competitive nature used to love to tally the number of minutes and try to increase that number from previous time periods… so it seemed like a radical idea to just let go of that and stop keeping track. But I think this will be better for me. Now it’s more about the quality of the feeling I am trying to create, and less about the number of minutes.

Since the beginning of the month I have been meditating every day, often twice a day in fact! I do it immediately upon waking and after arriving home from work for 5-30 minutes. (I did miss one day, as noted in my previous entry.)

Already I am noticing that I am much more aware of the physical sensation of stress in my body; I don’t just notice it when I am meditating, I notice it whenever I’m stressed. I like to think my body is becoming accustomed to a more relaxed state, and feelings of tension and stress feel so bad that I look forward to meditating to regain my equilibrium.

I also feel like I have been more in tune with my intuition and my spiritual nature, and have found it easier to move through life’s struggles and find creative approaches to problems.

I am delighted with my new healthy habit.

Not that I’m sure what the prize is… peace and compassion and serenity and open heart?

Anyway, after 8 days, I missed a day. But I’m not letting ego and perfectionism keep me from my prize. Back on the wagon/zafu this morning.

Perhaps sticking with a regular practice is just like clearing the mind during a session: you get it, you lose it, you get it, you lose it, and you keep going.

lest I jinx my small tender bud of victory…

But I have been sitting 10-15 minutes a day for the past 6 days. That’s almost a week! My short-term goal is to continue this for a month.

But that is 13 days (and 3 hours of sitting) more than last month, and the month before that! So it’s definitely a big improvement. And I could have squeezed it in on many of the 17 days I missed, with just a little more commitment. So there’s room for improvement.

I have been sitting every day since my last entry. I plan to do this for a month starting May 1, and am considering this my warmup week.