be impeccable

I envision a relationship where I and my partner always feel welcome to be completely honest, where we both take full responsibility for our own feelings and reactions and never, ever blame the other person for “making” us feel that way, where we both ask for what we want and need and are willing to compromise a little to make sure the other’s needs are met. Where there is a basic foundation of honoring the other person for who they are, loving all of them, unconditionally—not “I love all of you except the way you snore” or whatever trait bugs you. Where conflicts and differences are resolved in a peaceful, productive and healthy way.

I think this “impeccability” goal may be the new spot for my relationship musings for a while.

But twice this week I have found myself mumbling, “goddammit!” under my breath when something went wrong. It felt so powerful to stop myself and say, “wait a minute… god bless this bike lock, which even though it just fell on my toe, keeps my bike from being stolen and really helps me out in a lot of ways…”

I read something about this in The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz… but it has taken on a life of its own in my head. What I mean is never to be anything less than truthful and authentic. To speak with integrity, honoring the people I am speaking with and myself. But also to see my words as powerful and avoid affirming negative outcomes (like I did yesterday: I said, “my room just keeps getting messier and messier!” Eek!). It follows that I would never give voice to judgement or criticism of other people or myself. Or speak of myself as a victim of circumstances beyond my control.

Maybe I should learn more about Neuro-Linguistic Programming; isn’t this what that’s all about?