work for myself

I just searched goals for ideas on how to reword this. I found a few: “Find out what makes me happy”, “Find my dream job”, “Find out what I want to do”....and so on.
I picked a few and checked what others had written….and found very few entries.
I’m bummed – I was looking for insight from others on this journey only to discover how few people have written about it.
Unchartered territory…....

I eventually do want to work FOR myself but I first need to figure out what I want to do. What is my passion? What do I like to do? Where can I do it? Can I support myself doing it?
The job I have now is fine…on paper, it has everything I’m “good at”, or so I’m told. But I’m bored. The environment, although pleasant, doesn’t work for me. It’s hard to think about a change because of the way the economy is – I’m so grateful to have a job, a steady paycheck, benefits, security but….
So I need to reword this goal. Maybe I should set a separate goal to do that?

I was in a seminar on Monday so I didn’t get to read my email. When I checked it before leaving, I saw my boss had sent out a few regarding the 2 big projects going on, which he’s been handling himself. After reading it all, I decided it was time – again – to talk to him.

Tuesday I asked him to join me in a conference room. I told him that I was disappointed, I felt he was leaving me out of the projects, that I could be learning and helping, etc, etc. I said he’s so busy being busy, he’s forgotten that I’m there to do it with him.

He listened, but I’m not sure he heard me. He started telling me all of the things that needed to get done but in terms of what “he” has to get done, not “we”. Again, I tried explaining that if I did some -he’d have to take time to show me some of it – we’d be able to get it all done. He talked about more things to be done – then nothing happened the rest of the day. So frustrating!

On Weds, I took 2 things from his desk and said “I’m doing this. I’ll let you know if I need help”. He began to tell me what to do but I stopped him. “Let me do it. You have other things that need to get done.” And I got it done.

It looks like I have to steal work off his desk to make him understand. Let’s hope this works – I’m running out of ideas.

One year ago today I started this job. It went so fast! I’m glad the year is done – I’d gotten a sign-on bonus which I’d have to repay if I left in less than 1 year…so that’s not hanging over me anymore. Not that I was really thinking about it – I’d decided when I took this job, I’d give it at 2 years. I was at my last job for 19 years so 2 sounded reasonable.
But something has to change for me to stay another year. Me. My boss. Both of us. I’m not sure how yet, but after Labor Day, he and I have to have a “meeting of the minds”.

I was off on Thursday (well, I worked from home in the AM) so I didn’t see an email sent in the afternoon. It seems the company has decided there will be a voluntary and involuntary reduction in the workforce in the next 2 months. Oh boy! I’m not 55 yet so it won’t be voluntary for me. I don’t know if my area will be effected or not (I’m 1 of 2 in my entire department) but I think I need to look at this as a warning.

I’m not concerned about finding another job but I’d rather not have to change until I’m ready. I’ll have to update my resume and keep my eyes open.

My job is OK but it’s not giving me what I need or want. Sure, there’s no stress, a lot of independence but I don’t feel like I’m part of a team, contributing to the end result. I don’t know who anyone is or what my goals are. I don’t feel a direction.

I am not UNhappy. I’m thankful to have a good job – and it is. To have a salary, generous benefits and pleasant environment to work in, especially the way today’s economy is. No complaints there.

But do I want to be “just satisfied” for another 20 years? Nope.

I want to be fulfilled, excited, challenged and loving everything I do!

Last year, I took a few baby steps – eBay, real estate – then the big one: quiting the desk job after 19 years. The freedom! The summer off! Took a new job in August that allows me time for my life. But I want that freedom again.