Find more people who enjoy the inane and celebrate the nonsensical

This girl can! I saw this today and it’s seriously addictive once you start practicing. Have a shirt handy and don’t say I didn’t warn ya.

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/fold.php

I absolutely looooove him.

Lois: You’re drunk again.
Peter: No, I’m just exhausted ‘cause I’ve been up all night drinking.

It makes me laugh whenever I see it. Those people at Guinness are genius! Is there anything funnier than a fish on a bicycle? hahaha

” Here is my advice on women. Never give them nicknames like jumbo or boxcar and always get receipts. It makes you look like a business guy.”

These always crack me up. haha

A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. “Hear that?” you say. “That’s dynamite, baby.”

If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn’t open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming.

If you’re robbing a bank and you’re pants fall down, I think it’s okay to laugh and to let the hostages laugh too, because, come on, life is funny.

The next time I have meat and mashed potatoes, I think I’ll put a very large blob of potatoes on my plate with just a little piece of meat. And if someone asks me why I didn’t get more meat, I’ll just say, “Oh, you mean this?” and pull out a big piece of meat from inside the blob of potatoes, where I’ve hidden it. Good magic trick, huh?

For me, the worst thing about having King Kong walk down your street is that kids could look up and see the giant genital

If you want to be the popular one at a party, here’s a good thing to do: Go up to some people who are talking and laughing and say, “Well, technically that’s illegal.” It might fit in with what somebody just said. And even if it doesn’t, so what, I hate this stupid party.

If you’re a cowboy, and you’re dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would really make you mad if you looked back and the guy was reading a magazine.

If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that’s all I have to say.

There should be a detective show called “Johnny Monkey,” because every week you could have a guy say “I ain’t gonna get caught by no MONKEY,” but then he would, and I don’t think I’d ever get tired of that.

You know what’s probably a good thing to hang on your porch in the summertime, to keep mosquitoes away from you and your guests? Just a big bag of blood.

If I had a mine shaft, I don’t think I would just abandon it. There’s got to be a better way.

It’s funny that pirates were always going around searching for treasure, and they never realized that the real treasure was the fond memories they were creating.

What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that makes you want to get drunk?

I bet one legend that keeps recurring throughout history, in every culture, is the story of Popeye.

When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.

Probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick.

:)