Be a better friend

i’m beginning to wonder if maybe the people i’ve gotten close to have not been good friends themselves.

i get many compliments from various people of all ages… a lot of them talking about how thoughtful and creative i am… it now takes me a while to become close friends with people, but honestly, (and not pridefully), i think i’ve been really good to my friends. i try to keep in contact, i push for honest conversations and answers, i try as hard as i can to let them know i’m thinking of them and care and love them…

i may have my moody fits, but i think their issue is themselves.
there comes a point when we grow up. at that point, i feel, it’s a bit easier to befriend and keep friends. you set aside petty arguments, you learn not to play the blame game to the point where you forget what you’re blaming for… nor playing games at all in a mental sense. (which a lot of my “friends” tend to do.)

i’m in that transition i guess. we’re all still pretty young and have a long ways to go.

i’m not going to get into explaining this one, but i really feel like my life here is ready to be at an end. when my fiancee and i are married, i think it’ll be high time to shake the dust off our feet from this area, say our good byes to the people we know, and just start out new.

i’m exerting a lot of energy just to get pain and hurt in return.
i’m not giving up or… avoiding it all, it’s just about the perfect time for a new “chapter” so to speak in my life. take a good look at where i am now by stepping back and seeing the big picture. which hopefully is in view over on the west coast.

i may be a step closer.

i’m talking to them more.
i think? or maybe that was a month ago.