be happy with who I am, rather than judging myself off of other people.

i have a blog. i’ve had it since, 2001, (i think.) and recently, (the past couple years)i haven’t been able to actually put what i think. i’ve put lots of information up, i’ve maybe made observations or comments on the stuff, but for me to just come out and say what i think is very very difficult.

the people connected to that are basically the group of contact i have with people. no one comments on the stuff i’m saying because i’m sure they don’t read them… don’t care… or don’t understand.

i just recently put up a blog that really got out my feelings in a well articulated manner. i’ve made blogs but privated them because i was afraid. and it wouldn’t be exactly what i wanted to say. getting across what i want to say is very important to me. i’ve had so many things i’ve said twisted and used against me.

but i did it. and i had a comment proving they don’t listen. that same comment condemned me for having apathy.

but i think it was one of the most passionate, and honest blogs i’ve made.

things that specifically target a better, more positive mood.
nods

really, i am. i still have novelty mindset a little… but i’m doing better.

i was able to do this for myself a little over a week ago.

this may seems silly to some of you, my example, but it’s the truth.

i had never had alcohol until the first of this year. i’m 22 right now, and i felt with all the changes and everything going on in my life, it was time for me to try it. i got married, i’m moving out west in may, i lost two of my closest friends last year… it was the perfect time for me to move on.
and that means a lot to me because i made that decision and stuck with it. it was perfect timing, just like how it was perfect timing for me to move out, but the alcohol bit is irreversible.

anyway, i went to a party over a week ago, and there’s another guy there who also has never had alcohol. he’s my age as well, and we were talking about it a little. and for the first time i didn’t feel guilty or regretful for making such a decision because someone else hadn’t.

i’m really into novelty of my life. it was so hard for me to get my hair cut for this exact same reason. i used to see long hair as something not everyone can pull off, and no one does anymore… so i wanted it for that reason rather than myself needing a change.

this did a whole lot for me… the alcohol. no i didn’t get drunk or anything. i didn’t have any alcohol at the party i attended, but i felt like i actually made a decision for myself that was actually what my heart wanted. and that’s something that’s hard to do. for me at least.