Stop binge eating

i just looked back on my other entries and i must be boring people on here to tears…

but ive also come to the conclusion that i dont think i want help, if i did id have asked for it by now. The only way for me to get this thing sorted is by hitting rock bottem and building myself back up.
now my weight is going down im getting more obsessive and im not eating at all just for the hell of not eating. Butr ive nearly beat this thing once before and ill do it again, but for good this time. Im tired of hating myslef so much that i dont want to leave the house, and i want to believe im the nice attractive girl that i keep being told i am.

Ive been writing on here for a couple of months and in a way it feels so nice not to be the only one in my situation… I love the fact that its not just the younger girls that have to struggly with the same problem as i do but alot of older women also…

like ive said before, i eat out of boredom, then purge untill i sleep. Then wakeup and do it all again. Ive tried everything but i cant seem to keep my mind off the next thing i want out of the fridge.

it doesnt help that my family seem to try and solve all my problems with food, by taking me for a meal or buying me junk from the shops. I know im lucky enough to have people care about me to want to make me happy but they dont seem to realise that i have a problem.

im in a real rut, im getting loads of exersise but i still feel the need to binge as soon as i stop.

i just dont know what to do….

Today ive been quite bad.

I got up and decided i was going to have an egg white ommlette, then that turned into one with cheese and bacon with bread…not so healthy

then i decided id maked dinner for my boyfriend before he gets home from work as im working tonight… but i ate it all.now ive still got a few hours before work and im hungry again. Im worrying now because i always do this when im not at work, and when im not eating on my days off im drinking alcohol, which is probly as bad as eating burgers and icecream all day(which is what id did yesterday before going out and getting drunk).

i dont want to tell anyone about these little ‘problems’ im having with food, but i think that my partner is starting to clock on to my habits.

got home from work today, ate a whole bowl of pasta sauce and 5 peices of bread, then a chocolate icecream, then a whole bag of tortilla chips and dips….

when my parents got home i had soup and more bread, and now im so mad at myself i went and brought a bottle of bacardi and im drinking myself silly, more calories …nice

latley ive just started my new job and ive found that my problem in some ways is worse than it was before….

somtimes im can manage all day being good, and as i have a very busy physical job, with mega long hours, i find that as soon as i get home i just eat everything in my path. Im not making myself sick now purely bacause i dont have time to or im just to tired when i get home to make myself feel better.
But because im binging so much somtimes before and after work, i find that im feeling even worse, im worrying about my size compared to all the other girls at work all day long, and what imabout to eat next, i have constant headaches because what i eat isnt good for me and if i havent eaten i just down caffine pills so i wont think about food.

im in a bigger rut than before and now im risking my job because my mind is always pre-occupied.

:(

This is the first time that ive actually found poeple that have the same problem as i do.
I’ve always been big compared to other girls and i know that my main problem is binge eating. Im 18 and my problems really began at about 13.
At this age i was about 128 lbs (or 9st9lbs to me, im English),and i wasconstantly bullied by people at school for being fat. Then i moved away and changed schools, I wasnt bullied anymore but i still had itin my head that i should be the same as my friends, this is when i started to use purging to ‘solve’ my problems.
By the time i was 16 and at 5’8 i was down to 98lbs (or 7 1/2 stone) and i was finally starting to feel like i was happy.I was only eating about 800 cals a day while working out for an hour and working at a supermarket on top of college.
Of course my parents and friendsthought that i was unhealthy, but i was so proud of myself.
While at work i met my current boyfriend, who I’ve now been with for 18 months and we’ve been living together for 6. He loves his food and is really really skinny. He said that he didnt like how skinny i was when we got together so i felt ok to eat as much as i liked and i finally managed to stop myself from purging. I thought that i was ok but i was soooo wrong.
Now ive got back into my old habits, ive moved house again and because im still looking for a job ive had nothing to do but binge, purge and repeat all day.
I cant stop myself, ive gone up to 130lbs and im desperate.

i feel so lonely and i dont know what to do, every time i make myself sick it feels like the biggest release.im finding now that im doing it to relax, because i cant unless ive emptied my stomach. But when i get the urge to binge i just cant help myself, Its got to the point now that everytime i eat i get the worststomach cramps and the only way to stop them is by purging.
Im in a sicious cycle and i feel like such and ugly failiure.