Collect 100 random quotes from everyday life conversations

Me: It’s because I’m bored.
Jamie: Bored? Dont you mean Slag? You cant do it because your a slag?
Me: I dont find that amusing.

Me: Your pure filth!
Sam: Gem… I would drink a gallon of you piss, just to see where it came from.
Me:... What?

We went to Tarronga Zoo yesterday…

Becka: Look at that! Fucking shit myself!...Thought it was a furby!

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Were walking out the the lizard hut after seeing two iguana’s humping
Random kid: Whats it doing?
Me: HA!

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Me: Yeah, I don’t mind lambs…
Lee: Look at them Turkey’s!
Me: I hate the fact that they turn into sheep!!
Becka: What? Turkey’s!!

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Walking home, I’m miles ahead of Becka and Lee
Lee: Fucking hell! I’ve never seen you walk so fast! Last orders?

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Becka: You don’t take me out as much.
Lee: I don’t shit money!
Two girls look round at lee
Lee: Yeah you heard!

Me: My arm Kills!
Becka: Why?
Me: Dunno, woke up this morning… in the shower… Fuck off!!

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Becka: Whats that in your pocket?
Lee:...Dead hamster …Ha, no a carrier bag.
Me: What?!

-

Me: Ohh! Who said that funny thing earlier? Was it me?

Lee: Sounds like a plane… A plane crashing!
Becka: It’s Quantas.

Lee: Your gonna do some colouring then! You better do!
Me: ...Yeeaahh Lee…
Lee: Get your crayons!
Me: ..Ha…Oh wait! Thats what I forgot!!
Lee: ...What your crayons?!!
Me: Ha, no… paper when we went shopping earlier.
Lee: ...Surrrre!

Presilla: No stay! Don’t leave me on my Nigel!
Becka:...On your what?!
Presilla: Nigel.
Me: ...Whaaaat!!
Becka: It’s Billy! Don’t leave me on my Billy!...Not Nigel!

Dude that made me laugh… Australians are so weird, i was talking about it later that day with a friend from work.

Me: So you say Nigel then?
Tiana: Yeah… Nigel No friends.
Me: Hahahaha!!
Tiana: Do you know what a Harry Hard one/off (I can’t remember ha) is?
Me: HAHA! NO!

She then explained… bt i can’t be arsed to write it, but it amused me none the less. Nigel no friends… haha. Well taking that back to England with me!

I was at work and this guy came back to the bar to ask for something.

Guy: Do you have any peaches?
Me: ...Peaches?
Guy: Yeah.
Me: ..The fruit?...No…
Guy: You know, like a big jug?
Me: OH! A pitcher! Haha! ...Yeah no.

Bloody accents I tell ya… ha. Turns out he was actually from England which made me laugh.

In the middle of a normal conversation with Becka when all of a sudden she bursts out with

Becka: “OH MY GOD LOOK AT HIS WOOLLY JUMPER!!”

CK been his usual self… he was in today as it was his girlfriends birthday and he’d booked a table for her. An he towards the end of the night was asking me if I wanted any cake.

CK: You sure you don’t any cake?
Me: Honestly bab, I’m fine.
CK: ...It’s chocolate…
Me: Is it now.
CK: ...I know how you like chocolate girl! Ey… Bit of chocolate… Ey, Ey.
Me: ...HA!....Fuck of CK…

A classic Palmer quote from way back in Alton towers.

Luke: And there’s Sara stuffing her face…Again!!
Sara: * Scowl *
Luke: What flavor are they?
Sara: Pickled onion.
Luke: Dirrrrtyyy Bitchhh!!

Another classic from Luke Palmer that has to be reconised!

Luke: ...And there’s Sara… With her man baps!

Bahahahahahaha! I love Luke.

I was talking to some customers at work who were rather drunk.

Guy: So where are you actually from then?
Me: ...I’m from Germany.
Guy: ...Your German?
Me: ...Sure…Ha!
Guy’s Friend: He’s maltese!
Me: Ha! Yeah i can see it!
Random Guy walking past: * Says something in a weird language *
Guy: ...What?!
Random Guy: * Repeats what he said *
Guy:...Sorry what?!
Random Guy: Your maltese right?
Guy’s friend: Ha! No, i was just joking!
The rest of us: * Pissing ourselves laughing! *

Oh damn that was amusing! What are the fucking chances of that happening?!