manage my depression

I’m in the lowest valley that I’ve been in within the last 10 years. Anxiety and depression often go hand in hand. I didn’t have trouble with anxiety until this past winter when acute anxiety hit me like a freight train. My therapist and I dug down and found out it was from deep dissatisfaction and severe stress from my job. I’ve been doing it for 20 years and I am done with it. Of course during the worst time in history to job hunt!! I am taking it day by day right now, sometimes hour by hour.

So tonight there is a local depression support group meeting. I’ve never attended and never really saw myself in a group setting. I am scared that people there will be in great need of help. I want to go to a group to hear how other people are coping, what steps they are taking to manage their life. In short, I want the depression group to be positive! Ha!

Had 2 therapy sessions today! One with a consultant trying to help me with work stresses and one with a therapist about my depression and anxiety. I feel good to be moving forward but all that talking stirred up a lot. My brain is full of swirling silt.

Since I missed work today as I took a “mental health day”, I decided to take the time to make an appointment with a psychiatrist. I haven’t seen one in years and it’s high time I got help with coping. I had a few referrals. The first one only worked with hospital inpatients. The second one had moved and they didn’t know where to. (?!!) The third place I called let the phone ring, and ring, and ring…..Discouraged I just started to cry. I finally do something to help myself, I reach out, and get doors slammed in my face. I wasn’t about the give up so I called my primary physician and explained what was happening. They compassionately offered to help find me an actual person that sees patients. If you are dealing with depression, DON”T GIVE UP. I know the hurdles seem higher for you than they do for other people, but it’s worth the effort to climb. They havent’ called me back yet, but I feel confident that it’s in their hands. My doctor has always taken my depression seriously.

Well, after 3 weeks of making the effort to eat more healthily and to exercise regularly, I can see that this truly does make a difference. The single hardest thing to do is to convince yourself to put on your shoes and get out the door to walk, skip, run, whatever you choose. Once you’re out the door to exercise, you’re on your way. I still need to add counseling to the mix, but I’m off to a good start. Holding myself accountable here does help.

On top of counseling and meds (which I hope to get off some day even though myself and my sisters have been tested as having low serotonin levels) eating right can make a difference. I’m trying to take care of myself this way and eat lean protein and whole grain carbs along with vitamin supplements. Thanks for the cheers!

Last few days have been tough. Felt like I was in crisis mode. Made myself go out with friends tonight instead of hibernating at home alone. Feel a bit recharged and ready to take a long walk on the beach tomorrow. It’s so hard to force myself to help myself, but always worth it.

I have certainly finally accepted that it’s part of me, that it’s a medical condition that I need to be vigilant about. But I don’t take care of myself like I should. Sometimes it’s like I’m under a blanket and can’t see my way out from under it, then I start to lose hope.

But I know what I need to do (counseling, exercise, supplements) and I’ve got to take that first step.