Improve my Karma.

When my friend arrived at my place a week ago, I was miserable. Everything she did annoyed me, we managed to get into a public shouting match on our first walk out and I couldn’t wait for the time with her to be over. I was generally unpleasant the next day: being courteous but not warm, only speaking to her when I had to, not making an effort to take meals at the same time, locking myself in a room on the other side of the house, being unhelpful, sulking and not being a particularly good host or friend. I was feeling guilty about the way I was behaving because I knew that no matter what my problems with her were, she was a guest in my home and it was my duty to make her feel welcome. Because I was being so unpleasant, she was cold towards me too, sulking, barely talking, ignoring me and looking annoyed at the slightest things.

Well, I decided to get over my immaturity and make an effort. I listened harder to what she wanted to do and genuinely tried to find a way to do it instead of just brushing it aside; I talked to her and listened to the things she wanted to share patiently even though some of those things were painful to hear; I ate with her, walked with her and used all the patience I had at my disposal. At first it was an effort. But she soon reciprocated, and soon positive energy was coming from both of us, flowing back and forth. Talking was no longer painful, I actually felt glad she was sharing her life experiences with me. She was more considerate, especially when I opened up about how I’d bee feeling. Spending time together was actually fun, even if we couldn’t always do exactly what she had in mind – we found ways to make it fun, just our shared sense of humour and common interests made most less-than-perfect situations bearable and even hilarious. I’d forgotten how good it was to talk to her and how much she really understands me, even now. I’d forgotten that it’s fun to have someone who likes to pamper herself around – face masks and shopping are a lot more fun with company. It was good to have someone to vent to, to hear, to learn from, to giggle with and to hug. We’ve watched the stars on several nights on my roof, with cups of hot water and stories to tell.

Being nice to my friend when it was hard to came back to me directly this time; it gave our friendship a new intensity and it gave my holiday a fresh, lively edge.

I used to scoff at the advice “Give and you will receive ten times more”. I’m still not sure about the multiple, but reading and reasoning have given me solid faith in the concept of cause and effect. Every action has a consequence, and these consequences find their way back to you in a complicated cycle that we probably will never clearly trace. Good actions = good consequences.

How does it work? Well, most people will feel more inclined to do a stranger a favour / be nice / be polite / be good-natured / do things with a good grace if a stranger – someone they likely won’t see again – does something good for them. The inclination will be particularly strong in most people because they do not feel “expected” to reciprocate – how, after all, do you do a good turn “back” to a fleeting stranger? – and thus – rather paradoxically – have a stronger genuine desire to do good than if they felt that reciprocating the good deed was a duty./

And so, the stranger you compliment or help may not be able to pay you back personally, but it’s quite likely that he’ll do good to someone else, setting in motion a chain of good actions that lead back to you eventually. If more people take consciousness of this law, and act to spread “good” – sappy as that sounds, like most platitudes it seems to hold – imagine how many chains will be going round, positively affecting more people and those who started them too!