stop wasting time

For the last week, I’ve been up at a reasonable time, had some structure to my day, been outside, walked and not wasted time. I could spend more time working on specific goals and organize myself better though.

I can now say that every day I

- get up early and go to bed early
- enjoy a long brisk walk in the evening
- keep active during the day, even if it’s just walking or climbing stairs
- spend very little time in front of screens

There are benefits to having guests, especially those who have good habits that can influence you. So far:

- I’m spending less time sleeping. I go to bed at a reasonable time and wake up in the morning. I don’t nap during the day. I don’t feel tired.

- I’m spending less time online.

- I’ve not watched TV for more than an hour in the past week.

- I go outside every day.

I am very good at making lists. In fact, I make too many lists. I feel compelled to write down everything I have to do on a post-it and gleefully cross completed tasks off before going to bed. I make lists of the exercises I have to do, of the outfits I’m wearing, of the products I’m using; psychologists would probably classify it as a disorder of some kind, but at the rate they go, we’d all be screwed up.

Anyway, setting goals and visualizing success has never been a problem. Doing the practical, monotous, routine and unpleasant tasks to get there has always bothered me. However, for the last two years, it’s bothered me rather more than usual. Once I get started, I can usually make a task a habit pretty quickly. But something’s been off for a long time, too long; I think I’m breaking out of my bad habits and they pull me back. I haven’t been able to steadily step my way to success. It’s been more like crossing a long bridge with potholes – blindfolded. I never know when I’m going to fall or how far below I’ll fall.

• I just don’t want the things on my list badly enough -
• or I’ve lost my discipline, enthusiasm and perseverance.

It’s actually a little of each.

I’ve realized it’s important to re-evaluate goals frequently because I don’t stay the same. And I’ve also realized it’s OK to put off a goal or throw it away forever. Now when I set myself a goal, I ask myself why I want it. Is it a stepping-stone to something better? Is it something I want or have been told I should want? And I come back to it later, and ask myself if I still want it so much, if the something better hasn’t already been achieved via an unexpected path, and if it matters to me.

To tackle the second problem, I needed to “find” those three qualities that once defined me. How did I lose them? Wasting energy on dreams, the past and negative emotions. When I say wasting energy on dreams, I mean spending too much time visualizing instead of limiting that time, and also looking at the reality. Living in dreams is not good. Nor is living in the past – I would spend hours curled up, thinking of people who were no longer in my life but that I couldn’t “let go” of. Thinking of how my life “should” have been instead of what it is. Feeding on resentment, anger, sadness, and worry – attributing blame to others, complaining, shouting, wasting a lot of time and energy. It is no wonder I couldn’t have time to be focused, determined and energetic.

Now, I look at my list regularly to make sure every goal is up to date and dear to me. To make sure that most of my goals are somewhat immediate – I do have plans to live and work abroad someday, but to get there, I have a lot more to fulfill first. I look at the list to remember where I am now and where I want to be then. To remind myself of what I should be doing when I’m wasting time on Second Life, Facebook, with past loves and once-friends, in front of the TV. Time is limited and every second should be used to become the person I visualize.