be a better wife

I was thinking about what I could do for my husband, and in some set of reflections realized – he would probably like the gift of time to do nothing. So, I’m working on having him finish up umpteen projects right now, but for Christmas and those days following – I figured I’d keep my honey-do list to a minimum. The bonus, maybe we’ll get some time to just be – a couple.

My husband sent me a really nice email to thank me for making him lunch today. I had to be purposeful to make the lunch because I hadn’t prepared earlier in the morning, or the night before. It was so nice to get his note – a reminder about him actually valuing the little things. It made me think, I have many little things to be thankful for too. My husband is the bedtime parent, he does pjs, prayers and tucks… and I’m thankful for it. I know the power of a thank you, but its nice to be reminded, gratitude can indeed be contagious.

when I’m sick, and I’m battling strep for the 3rd time in 6 months. My hubby took off work a few days, and I still didn’t handle it with grace. I looked around and saw the house in complete disarray. That is scary. What should be more scary, however, is a lack of gratitude.

1. He made a doctors appointment.
2. He drove me to the doctor.
3. He took me to get the prescription.
4. He went into the store to get me sugar free ice cream.
5. He has balanced work, kids and the house is still standing.

So, maybe losing my voice and the comfort of swallowing is with good reason. If you can’t say anything good, after 11 years, surely we shouldn’t say anything at all. I will work at having a spirit of gratitude – and I’ll go to sleep (can’t see the house then either). Here’s to good health – marital and physical.

I have attempted to be supportive – but the night job (my hubbies second job) is becoming exhausting. Not just for him, but for the entire family. I have wondered out loud if the money is worth it – given the impact on his sleep, the access to the children, and our separation way too many nights.

Part of being a better wife for me is adjusting how I deal with stressful situations. I am the planner, the organizer, the one that schedules our time. I wish I had encouraged him to go to sleep earlier. I strive to try to be thankful for his commitment and to recognize this as just a season.

In science, for every action that is an equal reaction. His willingness to do whatever is necessary for his family merits a reaction that can strengthen, encourage and build up. I’m going to work more on that.

I aspire to do my best and sometimes just fall short. On this day, the house was out of order, I was frustrated with how my husband decided to use his time and I didn’t quite frankly have much empathy that he is working two jobs. It could have been a much bigger issue, but I decided to get up earlier, spend more time doing the things that I need to have done for peace and joy in my home, and although it isn’t some magical picture of balance – there is progress on the things that compromise my happiness, often. Choices, given that we are all adults, can make or break an experience. My choice for today was to stop talking about things that were annoying, and just get some stuff done.

The kids will wake up to a bright and shiny home, and I’ll be smiling at them with joy why dad sleeps. He did work late, he does have 2 jobs, and he does have a wife who can battle through her irritation and frustration to create the best day possible, every time the opportunity presents itself. Okay, well not every time. Today is just a better day.

we made difficult choices. We stayed up late, didn’t clean the kitchen before bed, watched movies, ate a salad in bed (a big no/no), didn’t prep clothes… the list goes on. I was feeling bad about that when this morning was hectic, and when I got back the kitchen had been picked up, laundry taken up stairs, and stove partially cleared. Martha Stewart he’s not – but he tried to make it more acceptable before I came home, and that is an “I Love You” to behold. I enjoyed hanging out with him, and he did the kitchen gesture for me – and that is the start to a good week. Early in marriage I defined happiness in big terms and big gestures, and a decade later I know, the little things make you stronger. An unexpected note in the mail, attention to the home maintenance and cleanliness issues, packing extra umbrellas in the car for emergencies. So, last night didn’t make for a great start for the week – but it makes for a lasting mark in the journey of marriage. A happy marriage.

The kids and I had to go visiting/working for a few days out of state. I typically would have hubby join us as soon as he was done working. The trip was unavoidable, and I wanted to spend some additional time with my family. The drive for a very short time isn’t really necessary. So – husband gets 2.5 days to be male. He can watch movies, get additional sleep, sit at the computer for hours and do whatever he needs to do – without routine questions of “what ya doin ?” More important, I’m cool with that. He needed a break from us, even though he’ll miss us by day 2 – and he needed to enjoy our home without an additional request to clean, pick up, straighten and focus on more worthwhile chores.

So, I’ll chalk this up to 11 years of marriage – or 1 good nights sleep – everyone needs a break, and that is okay.

For the majority of our lives my husband has managed to get out of wrapping Christmas gifts for the children. As I egged him on about it this morning, I had a revelation – I don’t really care. I care that he loves the kids, that he wants them to be happy, that we discuss in advance what we want to spend….but the execution, I think it was a myth in my head. I love the traditions he embraces like getting the live tree, picking up our daughter to put the star at the top, and simply being together.

I like the glitz, I like the lights, and I like the impact it has on our home and our children. After 11 years though, I should be honest with myself and with him. I want to make sure in word and deed that he embraces the holidays and that we as a family build memories – but the execution – that’s a me thing. I enjoy it. I appreciate the impact of doing it. And more importantly, I know my interest is making sure we have financial, emotional and spiritual security…and the rest, we can sort it out in the wash.

I love him. Our day to day choices are simply, different.

I met a friend early this morning, and we started our morning with prayer. It was a great opportunity to talk and fellowship, and our time together eventually evolved to a conversation about respect. The respect, or lack thereof, for our spouses at any given time. We shared our thoughts about the challenges in the Bible, where God commands men to love their wives, and wives to respect their husbands. We both agreed, love comes more natural. So – in a conversation that had its share of love, discussions about Mary and Martha, and reflections on Esther – my friend said simply:

1. I respect the president for his role, even though I don’t always agree with him.

2. I respect my boss and protect his honor, even when I don’t like his decisions. She added, I’m careful to watch my words when we are talking to another team or group.

3. I respect city officials, many whom I don’t know and will never know, because they serve, make decisions and carry out their roles that impact my life.

4. Bottom line- if I can respect these men, then I can surely work harder at demonstrating respect for my husband.

It puts a lot in perspective. Respect is not built on 100% agreement, it is a choice to honor those who labor for the benefit of those around them. We agreed, perfect or not, respect is due within our household first. And I thought to myself, 11 years ago I said to love, honor and obey – and as a thoroughly grown woman with a husband that loves God, loves his family, and although not perfect labors for our well being – respect is due.

My mouse on my mac had an awful attack – and I could not see my cursor. What was worse was the feeling that with all that I was doing – my attitude was getting worser and worser.

So, dear hubby made a fix, with patience and tape – and now my mouse is working, and my joy is lurking. What a difference a little thing can make to a person – and kindness has a way of having your smiles a perking.

Now what do you do when the flat screen is out of reach and this lesson you want to teach to your spouse- you find a hundred little things to make his day, just like his help with your mouse. A little kindness, some patience, a bit more lovin’ and then what….as a wife you are well on your way. So I won’t reach a hundred but I’m destined to start, with little things to make his day.

(Okay, I’m not a poet, but it was fun.)