be a better sister

Have been our lifeline lately. To stay in touch with my brother I’ve had to become intentional about our relationship. I’m not sure why I didn’t pay more attention earlier – but if you want to be close to anyone you have to listen and invest. So, no more it is what it is – I wrote my brother a note to say hi, thanks for Christmas, thinking about you…and here’s an idea about that business you want to start. It was a choice, and an investment. I’m not sure if a relationship is worth it, why would you do any less. Clearly, I did in the past – and you get as good as you give. I like the prospects now, we’ve got a lot to enjoy, differences and all.

So – last night I ordered pizza for our combined families, and I sat around my brothers home with his family and Pizza Hut. I didn’t resist the urge to ask aloud why he owns a pit bull with multiple little ones in the house – but I did try to mind my manners, be gracious and enjoy him. That’s new – although I know I’m not award worthy for that.

I’m finding the deliberate effort is the most important aspect of this and any relationship. With our ups and downs, our relationship is made more real and more wonderful by actually being in fellowship. When you aren’t exchanging 2 words, it is hard to be more than anything but a passing stranger. I want more for my brother and I – and I just may be grown enough to finally change inorder to see this relationship grow. I don’t like the alternatives – and although we aren’t fast friends- the future still looks promising.

as soon as you feel it. Less than 5 minutes after I was thrilled about brother sister relations, he got on my one last nerve. Honesty is so important – and so is memoralizing the good when it happens. Sigh, urgggh, hmmmm.

I treated my brother to a $10 sub, and what I got in return was more precious than any lunch date. We hung out like old times, we laughed and talked about a few serious issues too. I rode in his car -with all the bells and whistles and music louder than the law should allow. I turned it to 4 – he told me it goes up to 40, and he nice settled that he’d let his “getting old” sister be. (I’m not 40 yet kiddo – I’m still young is what I was thinking.) So – although we have families, and many children, and a family with its share of Soap Opera moments – the best part of our time was just hanging out. And admittedly, by making more of an effort and not writing off our differences, we’ve had a tremendous time together. And for the first time in a very long time – I’m grateful.

My brother and I collaborated on my mom’s Christmas gift this year – progress, sweet progress. I let him take the lead (he lives in the same city), I trusted his judgement, we split the cost, and he felt good about his efforts. In the past this could have easily turned into conflict, competition or drama ….but in trying to be the sister I want to be, I’ve decided to look at things differently. The gift – a few hundred dollars. The warranty – $30. The collaboration – priceless.

So, I didn’t think my brother and his family would be coming for Thanksgiving, but I did want to make sure they were invited. Living a further distance away I thought “1 big happy family” was unlikely. I gave him a call and extended the invitiation – the conversation was cool, short and uneventful. So, I called him back! I didn’t tell the world I was irritated (okay, I did tell my mother), I decided I would call him. I told him I was disappointed in his responsiveness and he clarified exactly what was on his mind. We talked. I mean, we really talked. He shared exactly what was on his mind, his frustration with our move, his desire to “hang out” but the pressing demands of finances, and it was awesome. We didn’t have thanksgiving together, but I was full of thanks. I started with my panties in a bunch, but learned that I needed to listen more and avoid jumping to conclusions. He’s a guy. He’s pretty direct in his comments. It is great to be able to talk, laugh and realize – there are blessings in being different.

I’d like to be more tolerant of the differences between my sibilings and I. I want to appreciate their diverse gifts and the way they express themselves with no thought about competition, our parents or the impact of being a blended family. I want to be a soft place to land not a second mother….which was often the case because of our age differences.