stop cutting myself

This is ruining my relationship

I failed this today and became completely unhinged. My poor legs.
I feel like a failure.
I’m also trying to cut in secret so my boyfriend doesn’t find out and today I was almost caught out.
I was genuinely scared.
Not a good sign

It has been three days since I’ve cut. Less than one hour since I’ve wanted to though.
I think I just have to keep busy so that it’s not an option.

I hate the fact that i can’t make myself feel better without resorting to hurting myself. I hate it I hate it I hate it!
I can’t handle myself

Does anyone else out there plan to hurt themselves like I do? I mean it doesn’t seem to be a spare of the moment thing, when I feel down I plan to hurt myself to stop the ‘pain.’ Coz it works.
Anyone else out there like me? Or is everyone else acting spontaneously?

but at the moment I’m still not able to be honest with myself to see how destructive I’m being. It makes me feel so real again after being numb.
(Screams of Frustration)