get over my mom's death

Its been hard for me because my dad left when I was 5 and it was only me and my mom, we got on really well, I’ve never got on with anyone better than her, then 3 days before my 17th birthday she went to work, collapsed and only woke up for 5 minutes. I didnt know it was going to be my last five minutes with her, she went back to sleep and never woke up again.
It was a brain haemorrhage and they were keeping her on a life-support machine. After the three days they were going to turn it off because they said she was braindead. It was my 17th birthday so all the family were telling the doctors to wait a few more days so it wouldnt happen on my birthday so the doctors and family asked me to decide what was going to happen, they sat me down and showed me my moms situation, I thought about how upsetting this was for all the people around us and decided not to drag it on anymore and agreed to let them turn it off that day. When I was saying my last goodbyes to her while she was still on the machine, I told her that all I wanted from her was one last hug before she went, out of nowhere her left arm shot up and fell over her body and landed on my hand. The doctors, like dicks that they were, told me that it was just nerves in her body but I like to think that somehow she heard me and did all she could to give me a hug. I really miss her, Im left all alone in the world now, it is so hard living when you know no one out there loves you unconditionally, I still have my friends and relatives but no one is really close to me.
The way I’ve been dealing with it up to now was to forget about it and forget about my life before she died but now everytime my birthday pops up so does Mom and I have to find a way to accept that she’s gone but I can’t, its just too hard.