This morning I became aware
I’ve been working out and pushing myself really hard… (I want to keep working out and loosing weight – finally yea) but certain things seem to be missing lately. A lot of it has to do with my schedule and how I approach/prioritize my time. This was a huge revelation this morning and I don’t like the way it was going… so now it’s time to change it.
I did this morning and I feel so much more productive!
Oh I’m very happy!!! Change is wonderful :)
I realize that I’ve been living my life with way too many “SHOULDs” and I’ve really been stuck in this cycle of beating myself up (because I’m not doing what I ‘should’ be doing). Last night we did an exercise where we listed all our ‘SHOULDs’ and converted them to ‘COULDs’ ....wow, that was very powerful for me. I felt the main character in Big Fan where his hero kicked the living $hit out of him and he had to reconcile that his hero thought he was pond scum… how could someone that you’ve given your whole life to treat you this way?... but he’s my hero, he’s a god…......
Needless to say this exercise was awesome for me… it took away all the guilt and shame of feeling I SHOULD be doing this or I SHOULD be doing that and helped defuse all the negative judgements that I’ve been putting on myself. I also acknowledge that part of this is the ego trying to preserve itself and make me right, that I’m not good enough because I SHOULD be doing something and I’m not… see I told you you’re not good enough…..... pretty sad actually how the ego does that.
The last step of the exercise was to say “why” you’re not doing what you COULD be doing. This helped me see what my real motivation was for CHOOSING a different path than the SHOULDs.
I feel soooooooooo much lighter and I think I’m starting to realize that it’s okay to be different, to choose a different path when everyone around you has all these judgements and expectations. And you know what they say, we are our own worst critic.
So time to lighten up! Time to enjoy this beautiful day!!!!
I was contemplating “Accept it-change it-or forget it” this morning…
A passage in a book that I was reading this morning was talking about really truly enjoying the present, not projecting into the future, but completely being into the moment and enjoying it. I realized that I have been projecting into the future with some of my goals where I’m really trying to force myself to do it (I didn’t realize that I was projecting, but I was). This awareness was nice.. to love what you’re doing in the present moment, and to stop pushing so hard… the rest will come in time… which is wonderful ‘cause I’m so tired of “trying”...
smiling I know the rules of the game…. you can’t force it (if you do it won’t last), you have to allow…. be happy and grateful and just allow it all in with a happy heart.
It’s time for me to get off my $$ and finally get back into shape, feel good about myself, and start enjoying life!!!
So I think what I’m going to do is to set a few basic goals of things that I need to do every day (to get back into the habit and back on track)... not sure what they are just yet, but I’ve got a few ideas that I’m toying with…. hiking at least once a week is certainly on the list! ... I’m thinking 3 new habits a week.
Boy I’m so glad this is on my list!
I let some stupid idiot kid (a real jerk if you ask me) – a complete stranger – knock me off my good vibration, and really send me into a tail spin…. long story short… I’m glad this is on my list. Some people are just a*holes and big bullies and I need to accept that…. and better yet, forget about the whole incident rather than letting it eat me up alive.