regain my identity

Here’s the quote that was already on the page when I came to write another entry:

If I am not I, who will be?
- Henry David Thoreau

Played the piano for about an hour. Mostly Bach. I even forgot for a short time there was a world outside that room…

Play the piano.
I used to play. I would never be a really good piano player, but I could play some of Bach’s French Suites, some of Debussy’s pieces from Children’s Corner, Albéniz, Villa- Lobos…
I should give it a try…

I’m thinking of adding this goal to my identity quest. Roots are a part of one’s identity, right? But I’m not really interested (nor do I have the resources) to go too far back. I’m more interested in an “anecdotic” family tree: I mean I’d like to find out about my ancestors lives, professions and interests instead of just the relationships.

Wear perfume every day.
This is something I did every day, no matter how single or committed I was. I did it because I like it, and my mom got me used to wear some light fragrance always.
Now, some days, I forget. Probably because no one else cares, but I do. So I’ll do it again.

Talked on the phone to a very good girlfriend. Unfortunately she lives in another city. It felt really, really good to vent, cry and, most important, have my feelings validated, hear someone say that I’m not crazy/overreacting.
I also reread two whodunnits I read years before and had already forgotten.
Slowly I’m working through the initial list. I hope to remember more things I left behind.

I’m going to take a look at my childhood pictures (though there are very few), try to remember the books I enjoyed (and why!), look at mementos…. A trip down memory lane, to see what else I could be doing to add to this specific’s goal list.

Sing more, as I used to…

• read fantasy, mysteries, whodunnits (already in progress)
• listen to pop music (I work with classical music. I know pop is kind of mindless. So what? That’s exactly why I want to hear it sometimes)
• eat japanese food
• talk to my friends, at least my girlfriends

I know there are more things I’m sure forgetting, but it’s a start.

I’m married. My marriage is not good. That doesn’t mean I think marriage is not worth it, just because mine isn’t.
But during this marriage, to keep peace, I let go of things that made my life happier. Not big things, small things… Nevertheless….
So maybe now, when my husband is away and it won’t bother him, I should start to do those things again. Mind you, they are silly, but none of them unhealthy or harmful.