be more outgoing

http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Outgoing

My mom noticed I’ve been opening up to people more than usual. It’s a good thing. There was this mobile therapist that came over a couple days ago, and I would talk to her and everything. Not a whole lot, but a bit. I think one of the reasons is because I’ve actually made a friend after all this time of not having any friends. It’s made me more confident I guess. I dunno what it is. But I know that one of my good friends Brittany makes me feel good about myself. And she makes me feel that I can achieve my goals and become a successful person. She’s very supportive, social, and friendly. Outgoing. She’s like my role model. And I know the more I talk to her, the more outgoing I will be. Soo.. this is a big step!

I’ve almost always wanted to be outgoing! But I am just never going up to people, strangers.. even if it scares me! If you wanna talk to someone, go up and talk to them. There’s nothing to be afraid of. That’s what I should be telling myself. But I’m always making excuses not to do something. It’s pathetic!

I thought I was becoming less shy during the middle of the school year. But then I became depressed. So now I am more shy again. After my freshman year I should be more outgoing…hopefully. I dunno. Maybe I won’t be outgoing until I start college. Who knows? It feels like I will never be outgoing. I’ve been trying my best to look people in the eye. I do it for, like, 5 seconds in each conversation I have with someone.. and then I look away. It’s a start. I used to never look ever. Now I feel like I am being rude if I don’t look someone in the eye. It bugs me. Everything is considered rude really. It’s not easy to be polite when you’re nervous as hell around people, and your parents are always making fun of your voice or something. It sucks.

I am almost done with this goal. I just need to practice talking more clearly. That’s all! I really feel this will work. I am more that 75% done. I am so happy with myself.

I went to a Japanese restaurant with my mom yesterday! I didn’t look the waitress in the eye. That’s a hint I am still not that outgoing yet. Sigh. I mean, I think it has more to do with how I feel about myself. I guess it’s a part of growing up…Some people just don’t feel good about themselves. Um, I guess that’s why people get plastic surgery. Whatever. That has nothing to do with it. I guess what I am trying to say is that I am not feeling good about myself. I get embarrassed real easily. But I shouldn’t. I guess if I want to be outgoing, I have to feel good about myself first. When I am outgoing, I guess I won’t be as embarrassed about every little thing. That seems to be the problem! I guess I will have to work on being comfortable in my own skin….

I’ve been doing a lot better talking to people whether I know them or not. I just don’t think I am outgoing yet. I am still usually very quiet when someone isn’t talking to me. I need to work on talking louder. I’ve been getting better at looking people in the eye. That’s good. I think maybe I should say what I am thinking as long as it’s appropriate. I usually don’t think dirty….Um, I dunno. It’s really hard. Why do people communicate when there is nothing interesting to talk about? Don’t answer that….Sigh. I have to think really, really hard before I say something. Once I say anything at all…it just doesn’t sound right. Sometimes people have no idea what I am talking about. That’s probably why I am so bad at writing. I think before I start to write my book I should complete this goal.

I’ve actually been getting better at talking with some people. I just have trouble looking at them in the eye. It’s like I can’t look at them. It’s really, really hard to look someone in the eye…for me anyway. I mean I can look at them when they’re farther away but when they are closer to me I can’t look them in the eye. I will need to work on that….

I’ve always been really shy. I hate this about me…I just feel really nervous when I look people in the eye. I’m always looking out into space when someone is talking to me. I listen to them.. it’s just that I don’t look at them. I think this has to change. And it will change. I am going to practice. I will read and stuff like that…Whatever it takes for me to look people in the eye…how I act around people will change. I want to be more outgoing. And that is what I am about to become….