have another baby

trying to wait til january, however. ugh.

well, i just gave birth to my first baby, a boy, about 5 1/2 weeks ago. i thought giving birth to a baby would stop my maternal clock for a while, at least long enough till it would be logical to have another. but i was wrong. 5 weeks later i was over it! after giving birth, my immediate reaction was- I AM NEVER DOING THIS AGAIN! but now, i miss being pregnant, for one. two, my maternal clock started ticking just as loudly as it was before i got pregnant. and three, i stare at my son and i think, “OH MY GOD! we make good-looking babies!!! we MUST have more!” hahahaha! its more than him just being mighty good-looking, though, i’m not horrendously shallow! children are amazing and i’ve always wanted to have a bunch. i used to work with children for a few years and i was excited by how well i handled taking on 30 kids at a time on my own. most of them liked me and on most days i felt like i was in a fairy tale… a fairy tale filled with spit up, paste eating, food fighting, mindless running and shouting, soiled underwear, sad faces, happy faces, laughing faces, hungry tummies, tired eyes, discrepencies, prophecies, revelations and the works… it was the kind of chaos that made my heart pound and my flower petals stand confidently towards the sun. i ruled. i felt like a super hero. and while i don’t exactly want 30 children of my own, i’d love to have a handful to fill my life with just enough chaos to fill me with that strength again. i think it will be great to have a baby every 2 to 4 years until i decide i’ve had enough or my eggs get old. which ever comes first. and then there is always the adoption idea, which would be a blessing. so, we’ll see… this will be a goal that i’ll have up here for a long time.