be

I don’t know how my “be” goal turned into the place where I express my grieving, but each time I grieve, I want to post here… Maybe because I post on my other goals when I am inspired, or happy, or exhilarated….so here I am…
grieving this evening~ despite every good thing in my life, I still grieve the losses involved with divorce.
:(

I’ve given myself a headache…but I know I will sleep well~
goodnight!

Today I feel a bit lost and I really dislike that feeling a lot!
I am trying to reflect and consider what everything means, to learn the lesson…but what I keep coming up with is life is hard sometimes, so deal with it, and enjoy the good things now.

It doesn’t take away the suffering involved with the feeling of confusion~ at least for me. I have been writing and combating my distorted thinking with rational responses, but I think this is some grieving coming up again…

so utterly painful.

Another way of saying “BE” where you are…

I sometimes trip out on my changing self~ it’s as if there are so many different aspects and different levels and processes happening all at once in many ways ~ it’s difficult to express without sounding completely nuts… (and even this sounds a bit crazy)

but when I try to define it, or even understand it completely~ I cannot, but if I just sit quietly and

BE~ then “I get it, in that moment”...and things are exactly as they are meant to be...

until next time…

to have a wonderful day!

Sleeping alone.
Sometimes I do not mind
sleeping alone,
because the bed and I fit just right…
and other times…
somehow that bed just
seems to grow,
and suddenly I am all
alone.

a: passage from one state, stage, subject, or place to another : change

b: a movement, development, or evolution from one form, stage, or style to another

Clearly, in transition on all counts.

10,000 joys; 10,000 sorrows~
and how can one experience them all within moments of each other…

I just returned from a Mindfulness & Meditation Workshop for therapy groups…it was really wonderful to see and hear so many inspiring words and thoughts about integrating these practices into Western therapy...and to participate in all the different exercises.

We did a mindfulness and eating exercise where we became mindful of the many aspects of eating…such as the efforts and energy it took that brought the food to our plates, and we expressed gratitude on every level…we also explored our relationship with food, and finally as we were finishing up that part of the training, we were told to imagine that we were preparing a plate of food for the dalai lama or someone for whom we revered and cared about~ and that indeed…we ourselves are just as special and wonderful as that person…we should treat ourselves with such care as well…

I thought it was an interesting exercise~
it made me conscious... I will integrate much of what I learned into practice. :D

The other day a friend of mine “read my cards”... from The Transcendental Game of Zen. The SORROW card came up for me. I found this card to be insightful and inspiring.

“The image of Ananda, the cousin and disciple of Gautam Buddha. He was at Buddha’s side constantly, attending to his every need for forty-two years. When Buddha died, the story is told that Ananda was still at his side weeping. The other disciples chastised him for his misunderstanding: Buddha had died absolutely fulfilled; he should be rejoicing.

But Ananda said, “You misunderstand. I’m weeping not for him, but for myself, because for all these years I have been constantly at his side but I have still not attained.” Ananda stayed awake for the whole night, meditating deeply and feeling his pain and sorrow. By morning, it is said, he was enlightened.

Times of great sorrow have the potential to be times of great transformation. But in order for transformation to happen we must go deep, to the very root of our pain, and experience it as it is, without blame or self-pity.

This pain is not to make you miserable, the pain is to make you more aware! And when you are aware, misery disappears.

I think about this and find this story to be true in my own life…when I can go deep and really feel…I am transformed…
sometimes sorrow for ourselves or someone else’s suffering does make us more conscious….

another message to “BE”.