I want to allow whatever I'm feeling in the moment to surface & use that as a pivoting point to remember & articulate what my heart truly desires!

I’ll create another reality…I look forward to feeling better. More clarity. More consistency. More fun. More love. More peace. More hope. More certainty. Now is just a moment. The next will be better and better and better.

Me being in this moment feeling negative emotion relative to love, relative to family and certain aspects of my life does not mean that I have failed. I can choose to focus differently. I usually do focus differently. Maybe things are about to get way way better :)

In this moment I feel upset. I am upset that S hasn’t emailed me back. I sent him a beautiful email 4 days ago sharing some awesome things. I am also frustrated that he hasn’t called me. I am also pissed that he hasn’t booked our v-day class. I’m upset. I feel uncared about by him. I feel brushed off. I feel that I give my best to this person & this relationship & that in this moment nothing good is being given to me. I can’t lower my standards, because I am an expansive being. I am the best & I bring the best to my relationships. I can only expect the best.

It feels better to be a little angry. I know anything I feel is all about me and my connection to me. I need to proceed in ways that feel better to me than this annoying feeling of powerlessness/blame/upsetness.

I’m pissed. I deserve the best. I have found a way to proceed that feels better to me. I will not be staying at his house when I visit in a month. Any of our hang outs when he’s in town will be on my terms. I am reluctant to share myself physically so I may not. I may not even make time to hang out. I expect him to take care of everything. I will not pick up my phone or respond to anything until I feel good. I will do whatever I need to to feel better. I will not lash out at him. I will follow my emotional guidance system that is leading me to better perspectives.

Bottom line. Dear Boy: I am taking space from you & me to fall in love with me. I am an amazing person. I want to be with you, but I feel you’re not making plans to move to be here with me and that’s important to me…

This feels a little better.

I want to be with someone who is as excited about me as I am about them. I want to be with someone who shares my zest for life & brings their own unique zest for life to the table! I want to be with someone who wants to me by family.

I know I will feel better in time.

Meanwhile I will focus on other things. These feelings of frustration are temporary. At least I feel my worth. I know my awesomeness. Maybe the universe is making way for better things for me & I just need to chill & not freak out in the unfolding.

In this moment I am feeling a little upset. I am feeling very distant in my relationship. Lately I was feeling really good about things. I had this amazing idea about going to the city & visiting him so we could spend a weekend together. The idea made me light up and so tonite I called him to let him know about it. His hesitation to say yes to the plan really threw me off. He said it will be a busy weekend for him & that he doesn’t know how he’ll feel by then & he might be busy. Really I do understand. But I am feeling how I’m feeling.

I want to be with someone who wants to spend more time with me. I want to go on adventures with my beau. I want to do fun spontaneous things. I want us to make time for each other frequently. I want to have a fun dance. I want to feel a mutual dance of love & togetherness.

I know that this is on its way in my life & I look forward to it.

I am soothing myself lovingly. It’s ok for me to be upset for a moment. This feeling is so temporary. I know my worth. I know how amazing I am. I know my beauty & the celebration that is me. I would want to be with me (and I am with me!!! haha). I have been consistently in my life every day since I was born (haha – no choice). Maybe this is an opportunity to focus more on myself. I know that the more I find my alignment the more beautiful people come into my life. I am starting to feel a tiny bit better.

I want to run into T today.
-because it would be soooo much fun to see him!
-the possibility of our first hug!
-the sponteneity of it all!
-holiday spirit
-I want to wish him an amazing holiday
-he’s such an amazingly kool person!!!
-i want to share my holiday joy with him
-i want to open a christmas cracker with him
-it would be fun!!!!
-it always feels really good to see him :)

i believe it will happen because…
-i keep running into customers EVERYWHERE!!!!
so of course i could run into him!
-i am out and about town anyway so it can happen
-people run into each other all the time anyway!
-i did run into B who I haven’t see in a looong time
so it’s a sign that i’ll run into T too!!!
-i did run into him at F-cafe that time :)
-we have had some fun perfect timing moments!

I want to feel that feeling of in love. I want to feel that feeling of perfect connection. I love the feeling of loving him! his sense of humor, his abundance. his friendliness. His sense of adventure. His success. His generosity. His creativity. His friendship. His handsomness. His interest in me.(growing)

Wouldn’t it be nice if we become really good friends!!! Wouldn’t it be nice to do fun things around the city together & make a new friend?!!! Wouldn’t it be nice if things unfold perfectly. Wouldn’t it be nice if I see him today! Wouldn’t it be nice to have an amazingly good rendezvous next time we see each other :)

Fun things I would tell him
-watching the cirque show & how I enjoyed it!
-the special balls we baked at work!
-my secret santa gift
-how i have everything i asked for & more from Santa
-how santa used to hate co.ldp.la.y but he’s considering listening more to try and find a better verdict & i might be in luck for tickets as a gift…
-my gold bowtie
-how nice it is to see him!
-opening a cracker with him!

I want to rendezvous with the best customers at both my jobs. I want to serve people joyfully & feel like myself & just have fun! I want to talk to people on the phone that are happy to be talking to me. I want to feel secure, successful, wealthy & connected to myself. I want to be financially abundant. I want to feel like I’m thriving! I want to be in love & adored! I want to have a magically awesome day :):):)

I realized that I was feeling some apprehension about asking my boss for a recommendation. mostly because I don’t want the bosses to be wondering when/if I’m leaving & I don’t want the next year of my work experience to be weird.

Now here’s what I realize. I am awesome! I have already been here two years & always given my best. I have always been clear about when I’m taking my holidays and given them months notice. I am pretty much the best worker they have in this moment. I do deserve to follow my heart and my dreams. I have been having good relationships with the owners this year. Transparency, confidence, they let me know that they like me. I will hilight this. I am reliable, I am consistent, I am great with customers. I am efficient. I am a valuable presence. I am a successful person. I do see the success of the business as part of my creation & allowing. People are happy to see me. I am part of a great team. I do know that they want me to succeed as a person.

I want:
-to receive my three professional recommendations in a timely manner
-I want to feel comfortable asking for the reference letters
-I want to feel enthusiasm from them & their joy in helping me in any way they can
-I want to feel cooperation
-I want to trust & know that things are moving along well.
-I want to feel my freedom to discuss this as & when I feel ready.

I have really good references in the past – Prof W is always on my side these past 10 years always cheering me on no matter what I decide to do!!! My housemate is excited to write a reference letter for me!!! My friend Marie is always supportive & celebrates me & wrote me an amazing reference letter! Of course things will go well.

I believe in our equality. I naturally see the positive aspects of things. Good things always happen for me. I am confident and good at finding my balance.
Here are some good qualities about S
-he is professional with me
-I appreciate how I am able to be myself in my work
-I appreciate how far I have come in feeling like an equal
-I like those days when I joke with the customers that I don’t own the business – yet!
-I do feel that I have an upper hand.

M: always supportive of all my endeavors
-very friendly & like a mother to me.
-generous.

I’m moving on from this topic & trusting.

Thank you universe :)

Alles wird gut.

Dear diary…

I feel a little knot in my chest. I feel a little tension. I realize I’m upset because I expected a certain outcome. Yesterday I had many magical moments. I realized following my bliss this month means flying to see this person I love & having a wonderful weekend. I love the feeling of magic and rightness I felt as I made the decision. I am following more of those things that feel like heck yes to me.

I guess I’m frustrated that he didn’t respond at all to the message I sent him outlining the dates of my visit. I was so excited about the possibility of the trip & not hearing back from him doesn’t feel comfortable. I’d like to not care. I’d like to develop a better relationship with this.

Maybe this will all work out & I can let it go. I want to find other fun things to focus on & distract myself.

I’m an amazing person & the most beautiful love is making its way into my life.

Thank you.

A few moments ago I was feeling sad and lonely.

What I really want…

I want to come home to a loving partner. I want to look forward to coming home and spending time with someone that I love! I want my partner & I to embrace and love each other at the end of the day. I want to play games and watch movies, take walks, cuddle, eat with my partner when I get home. I want to have beautiful love in my life every day! I want to get my partner fun surprise gifts! I want to make out. I want to dance with my partner! I want to give my partner a massage. I want to laugh together!!! I want to experience this beautiful joy in my life on a daily basis :) I want my partner to express his sureness of our love & I want us to celebrate our natural commitment to ourselves as individuals and to each other all the time. I want to plan fun adventures with my partner :)

chic design, modern art, radiating abundance :):):) lots of space – gorgeous sunlight! Sharing my home with my partner! Having time with myself at home! Hosting lovely dinner parties :) Time and space for meditation and singing :) dancing :) Good times, freedom! Convenient location :):):)

In this moment I feel frustration and numbness.
I feel so tired of my job. I want to leave. I feel a little sad about my living situation.

Here is what I want:
A kool new job that pays me well :):):)
My own apartment :):):)
I be in beautiful friendships & relationship :):):)