Maybe being involves the pain as well. Could be that this is the reason why I´m having such a hard time with it. Accepting everything that life throws at me… the good as well as the bad… This weekend I realized that I´m not nearly done dealing some things. No matter how much I´m trying to push them from me, how desperately I´m digging a hole to bury them, they are with me; waiting for my weak moments to come out. However, they made me who I am, maybe even more so than the lucky and happy moments. I can´t run away, there is nothing left for me to do but stand there and wait for things to rush at me, swirl me around and then leave me behind. All I can do is pick up the pieces later and realize in the process that all that has happened to me hasn´t destroyed me, only changed me.
Or like Miller put it: “Nothing that had happened to me thus far had been able to destroy me. Nothing but my dreams and illusions had been destroyed, I, myself was still intact.”
Perhaps I should look at it like some kind of cleansing process, to rid me of things I´ve long outgrown but been too scared to let got of…
