I have some very specific health problems, genetics play a large part of it all, but I could/should be more proactive about letting them get any worse. Thank you Mom for passing your bad genetics on to me!!! I have a good majoriy of the issues that plagued my Mom. For the past ten years, I have been dealing with diabetes 2, high blood pressure and high cholesterol. I also have depression. I have been very remiss in taking my medications or even getting regular follow-ups. I do take my paxil for depression without fail, but the rest of the stuff I am very hit and miss.
The doctor has been trying to get me to try different things for this diabetes, but I usually end up not doing them. There are two reasons for this. The first is that we still do not have insurance and meds are a a lot of money. The second is that everytime I try something new, a major side effect is diahrea and nausea which just kills me.
So last week I went to interview for a study which was on a new insullin. If you were accepted to the study, you would get this insullin and all your other meds free for the duration of the study which was about 1/2 year. I was excited. There would be nutritional information and everything!
Imagine my (seriously) surprise when they tell me that I am “not well enough” to be acepted into the study. Blood pressure too high, AC1 too high . . . go home lady, you’re too high!!!
I went home and I cried. I thought about my Mother who had the shittiest life ever because she was sick. She was sick because she refused to take proper care of herself. I think she didn’t think her life was shitty because she was doing what she wanted too which was to sit on the couch and watch T.V and eat whatever she wanted too. She didn’t leave the house except to go to the doctor and her only stays away were when she went into the hospital which she liked because then she got to watch T.V and eat in bed.
I have a great life with Mr HC and we have great plans for our future. How can I have this future with him if I am not well enough? I can’t blame everything on genetics. I have to take responsibiblity.
So for the first time ever, I am putting all of this out there. I have these issues and I am going to deal with them.
I have started taking my blood sugars every day like I am supposed too. I have started taking my meds everyday like I am supposed too. When we get back from Morro Bay I will go to the doctor and whether I like it or not I will allow him to prescribe the medications that I need to get everything completely under control.
The life that my Mother chose for herslf is not acceptable to me. I will get this under control and have the life I want . . .