Be honest with myself

I think I am improving. I cried alot and I prayed alot. I know I was lying to myself to protect my own feelings but it was hurting me more than facing the truth. Also facing the truth hurts alot, but from that hurt you can grow and change. The hurt of lying to myself was both hurting me and making me trapped, never improving, always repeating the same mistakes. I am still working on this. Either way it hurts. By facing the truth I can see why and change it inshallah.

I make goals, break them, feel regrets bla bla bla. And when anyone questions me about it I just defend myself and make excuses. I’m just sick of myself right now and I don’t know how to improve.