decide what the hell I would like to do with the rest of my life

The Journal business in more than intriguing lately. I have a job on the editorial staff of one and it’s … a distinct possibility.

I have found two men that rather inspire me: the Marquis de Sade and the Second Earl of Rochester John Wilmot.

I think I shall endeavor to more politically and socially motivated in my writing. Social change is inevitable and impossible, so I feel that striving to achieve such a duality somewhat fitting.

So I’m applying for internships for the coming summer. Which is not exciting. I find myself unable to locate something to enthuse me. My father has started sniffing out opportunities that may attract me and (through his various connections) has garnered me some interesting invitations. Hopefully I can puruse them…

I don’t want to be a wage slave. I cannot think of any act which is deemed productive or profitable that I would like to repeat day in and day out until I hit the ‘retirement age’. If I had any talent, I would devote myself to the pursuit of artistic endeavors.

Uggh… I have born witness to ‘watercooler talk’ and I died a little inside.

I wish ‘have fun’ was a more practical answer…

So the loose plan right now is to pursue an english degree this year, whilst continuing towards chemistry (Which will take another 2-3 years). Next year I plan to go after a History degree, while still working on chemistry. And see if I can possibly fit another degree in the year after that…

Grand total years in college: 7
Grand total degrees earned: 3 (maybe 4)

So my friend who is going to Japan for a year helped me devise this plan to teach english overseas. It is exciting, adventerous, and not something I ever saw myself doing.

A valid option.

Maybe it is just avoidance, but I feel like the only way that I am going to make any new discoveries about myself and what I am to do with this life is by living somewhere else for a while. The biggest problem is with all my financial concerns. I’m pretty much fucked in that sha-bang. Getting away from everyone I know and everywhere I know doesn’t feel like the answer to all my problems. Instead, I think it is a step towards who I want to be.

So I quit pharmacy school and I have eliminated one thing that I do not wish to devote my life towards. I had this ridiculous misconception, this belief that once I got that out of the way that something new would come along and hit me like a freight train. Give me ambition, carry me away. Not so.

So I added this goal a while ago, but this is my first entry because today I did my first thing towards this goal. I decided that I am going to quit pharmacy school because I do not like it and it is not what I want to do with my life. And, at least for my, deciding what I do not want to do is a good first step towards discovering what I do want to do.