Beat my depression

Wel I saw previous post of people doing the same, I got some books for self help & I have been crying my “bad luck” i am not sure if is a chemical imbalance, I believe is an emotional imbalance thou, but Decluttering has a meaning , is like I am making space for something better to came & just suddenly to happen!!! like telling the universe I am here I am cleaning my house , clean my soul as well!!! is like giving all goods to charity in a way I am telling the universe… G-D do u see!!!I am here!!! doing charity of stuff good shape requested, & given!!! Pls also give me !!!!

Peace is something Only G-D gives, & I know I am no victim, but been thru so much lately incluided battery, has some how hurted my heart. I am consient that I allow that pain to get deeper.

I am soooo tired of been the victim of my circumstances , that I decided to talk to my self , (even when painfully & ackologe a deep fear… ) I tought I was young and after all I have went thru life here in Mexico, my Fiancee says , that I did not live in Mexico that I survived Mexico. (been poor here is not the same as been poor in the USA or Europe)

I tought after a hard childhood I had live all the pain holded for me in my destiny, but after having my only brother w/leukimia, hem leaving me , & he´s wife been an abusive person…. I lost hem.

I trully am scare to my core of the future , I ask G-D what is in this to learn , ?? that I do not see?????

Decluttering my room also keeps me away from eating my mind as u can see, I am reading the Bible & Reading Books about Hope & self help to beat Depression,

Now I am trying hard not to let anyone victimize me, but trully my goal is to survive deppression, one step at the time. with no regrests , guilt or fear.

I am still in teraphy group , so I am going.

the pic, my hand holding a received puppy, I set her w/ a better home to take care of her while I can´t. ;S too heart broken

the most sad of any b day ever had, honestly I feel totally hurt & sad to be 27 single, still no kids, studyinbg, I skipped school last week, to cry out all after domestic violence Ill take a vacation to the netherlands & when I am back I am moving out. I feel all sad & depress but I am going to join (AGAIN)my therephy group & ask for a 24 hrs counselor. bcuz I have had for seconds suicidal toughs but I am too embarrased to say it not even to my mom or fiance.

I feel like I do not want to live but I am reading a book, is called the committed life is about manby topics that I guess I should have known, but I don´t.

well so far so good I am in a therapy group, I suffer from Neurosis & Compulsive dissoder (I am wayyy to obssesed to have clean hands or scrub things non stop) last year my young brother & only was diagnose w/Leukimia, now he is back to normal life but after lawst week my sister in law hitted me & ùlled my hair, the scabs are commming clean no scars left , Thank G-D.

however now for sometime I feel extra sleepy , bored & hurt.

I have no idea where to start. but I decided today to do it. I am going tru my neurosis without medication & I do make it very well. I take teas, , plants & natural pills of cactus & stuff like that,
I adopeted a pet (cat) after my 2 dogs died on the same week.

feeling loved at least y my cat.
my fiance loves me but lives very far away, our wedding will be in 2 years from now…..... yeapppp not helping much…

I guess this is an step to admit I will be fine,