write more poetry

Just as a warning..this poem is kinda graphic and a little vulgar at times. It’s still one of my favorites though..tell me what you think.

CARTOONS

My first time was in the middle of the day in a room with the door locked.
I was lying flat on my back in the bed with my
legs spread wide open, like the letter V.
His hands began to explore my body,
as he lifted my shirt and touched my chest.
I could feel his warm breath as his face lowered down
closer, then touching lips to skin.
His tongue swirled around softly, sucking my tiny pinkish brown nipples,
his hands rubbing my body, moving down my sides
until he reached the elastic in my shorts.
He slipped them down and off my ankles,
followed by my light pink Barbie panties
forming a pile beside the bed.
His fingertips crept their way back up to my thighs,
forcing them their separate ways, caressing them,
rubbing gently, moving toward my middle.
Then he licked my clit with fast repetitive motions,
my pussy now drenched with his saliva.
I felt his finger feeling around inside
moving back and forth up and down,
preparing me for what was about to happen, sticking a second finger in.
I tried to pull my legs together squeezing tightly but he threw them back apart.
My heart was beating hard, pounding in my chest
while I laid there helplessly.
I held my breath when I felt the penetration of his
penis in my vagina.
The pain was insane, both physically and emotionally.
I was only four years old.
He was family, my cousin,
whom I loved and I trusted.
Why was he doing this to me?
I squeezed my eyes tight to block the tears from flowing down my cheek
because I still didn’t fully understand the situation.
My legs were spread wide apart wrapped around his waist while he
pounded hard, in and out in and out until I was raw and swollen.
His cold eyes stared blankly down at me.
Then he grabbed my waist and fucked me hard, harder and harder, moaning, grunting and groaning until he exploded inside of me.
Then he pulled up his pants and sat up beside me on the bed
trying to catch his breath.
I could feel his disgusting stickiness between my legs,
oozing out of me,
dripping onto the sheets.
I looked up at him as he turned to me, placing his finger on my lips.
“Shh,” he said, “this is our secret and secrets are meant to never be told.”
Then he tossed me my clothes
and watched me get dressed
then turned the tv to
cartoons.

I kinda feel like I don’t even know how to write poetry anymore. I know there are so many different ways to write it but like at first my poetry was kinda simple rhyming, then I started using deeper words and more similies and metaphors and all that good stuff but it was still rhyming. Then I just started writing kinda like spoken word. I really liked the way it all sounded, I started using assonance and alliteration and different things that made is sound better and give a deeper meaning to the poems. Now I don’t really have too much motivation to write, I need something to inspire me. Lately when I start writing, I fall into that spoken-word-like mode at first but then I don’t know what happens..I kinda start writing like a short story or something. I started writing a poem yesterday and it bugged me so bad. I started writing and it was good at first but it ended up taking up like 3 pages of my notebook and I wasn’t even done. I turned into a story. Nothing rhymed, there was nothing that really just stuck out about it. It was like reading a story. It was a good story though! lol..

Flick. The light switches off and darkness envelops the room. The bed gently squeaks as he climbs in with her, kissing her touching her rubbing her. Now baby lies on her back in the dark as he marks scars on her soul. She inhales and holds as he sticks it in with a grin on his much older face and reassures her that everything is okay. Then she exhales with her body in an angle feet dangling over his shoulders her knees by her head in the bed of a stranger. Now, she feels the pain but don’t dare say a thing for the fear of losing the man in her life. As he cradles her body and holds her tight her mind travels to his delight. Am I making him happy..does it feel alright..It’s my first time am I doing it right? But baby don’t know that at the end of the night when he walks out of her life she’s still gonna feel alone. See, She got problems at home. Daddy’s gone mama don’t care she’s just there but not there to give her child the attention she deserves so baby fishes for attention from people who don’t deserve her. But she loves the way she makes someone happy like she has a purpose. So she picks herself up and tries again another time another night another misunderstanding of what’s wrong and what’s right. And 6 years later baby’s 19 years old still alone still no real man to call her own still falls for the same old lame approach. Damn shawty you thick! When can I see what that’s like. And once again she lies on her back inhales and holds as he sticks it in and exhales with her body in an angle feet dangling over his shoulders her knees by her head in the bed of another stranger. With all that’s passed in the past 6 years baby’s grown to get used to it. Her mind and heart are immune to the feelings of shame and regret because in those little moments baby believed the illusions that they actually cared. And as these feelings catch up with her she won’t take blame for her shame. She claims no one understands her struggle. Daddy’s gone and mama don’t care no one’s there..she got it real bad. But here’s my advice to you baby. There’s always someone somewhere who has it worse than you. With all the stress and strife in your life I understand your struggle. It’s ok to fumble but don’t make it a habit. Don’t settle for nothing less than the best. It sounds cliche but I hope and pray you take this advice to the head and get high off life. Baby you still a baby you got your whole life ahead. And when you feeling alone just think of me. I may not always be there but I’m always here for you. Cuz baby you my girl and I love you!

I write when I get emotional. And here lately when I start to write it’s like all these feelings are flowing around inside me and they get all jumbled up inside my head. And instead of them coming out in words like they used to, they either come out as tears or they don’t come out at all. This is all very frustrating. I’ll be laying on my bed and I’ll be gloomy and angry and all these other feelings all at the same time. And..I can’t write. Idk..I guess it’s writer’s block or something.

Well I do.
This one is called Forever.

♥Forever

From every crack within my skin
From the softness of my lips
From the depth of my brown eyes
Down to the thickness of my thighs;
From every taste bud on my tongue
From every breath taken from my lungs
From all ten of my toes
And my 206 strong bones;
From the enamel on my teeth
From the balls and heels of my feet
From the palms of my hands
To the legs on which I stand;
From the wrinkles on my elbows
From the curve of my nose
From the smoothness of my back
And the curl of each lash;
From every finger tip
From the wave of my hips
From the rosy in my cheeks
To the bend of my knees;
From every strand of hair on my head
From the plumpness of each breast
From the indention of my navel
And the thickness of my nails
From every vein inside my body
From the depths of my heart
To the warmth found in my soul
Every part of me loves every part of you.
Forever.♥

Ok..the story to this poem is very, very long..and complicated. But basically I was with this guy and we broke up. I was devastated. After he got with this other girl we started talking again and all the feelings came back for the both of us. Only problem: the other girl. And we kept doing wrong and finally I said I’m not doing this anymore because I felt like we were going nowhere..like what was the point. And, so, I wrote this poem.

I’m Trying

The me I used to be is no longer the same me. You see, when you use and confuse me and abuse my soul, my views are changed, therefore, changing the way I’m viewed. I got pieces missing like a puzzle sold in a yardsale. I want to confide in someway but I’m way too shy. I hide my feelings inside but I still I cry sometimes at night. And I know I’m young, but I’m trying to deal with life, love, and lessons learned while lingering in the past. My mind’s in a cast but Lord do I try! And I think, how did you manage to take advantage of my love? I need a bandage for my heart cuz you tore it apart. I cried puddles, no, rivers, no, I cried seas for you! And what did you do? You ripped up my soul, my strength, my spirit into bits and stomped them into the ground like it was nothing, leaving me to have to start over new and rebuild myself, only stronger this time. But it’s ok, cuz I’m gonna be stronger this time. But I try. And I’ll try and I’ll try till I cry no more, leaving you behind out of my life and my mind.I’ll be free of your grasp.I’ll be free of my past.I’ll be free to love again.But until then..I’m trying.

FEEL FREE TO COMMENT..PLEASE.