meet my father

I knew that was him on Myspace! I still never asked my mom about it and never let her know I knew anything about the whole myspace thing. But one day I was on my bed and my mom was on the computer in my room. Of course she was on Myspace..cuz who don’t have myspace these days lol… Anyway, I was playing around on my keyboard when she all of a sudden turns around and says Hey, I found your dad. I just looked up at her like, for real..even though I been knowing she found him. But apparently they’ve been talking wayy more than I thought. She said they’ve been emailing back and forth and she said he had even called our home phone like 3 days before she was telling me all this and they talked for about 30 minutes! So obviously I started asking questions. Well, he lives in Ohio. He was in the Gulf War, I think it was. He was gassed by some chemical during the war and it messed with his liver or kidneys and he can’t really remember everything from his past (or so she says he says). He said he kinda remembers my mom but not very well. He never denied the fact that I could be his child. She even showed me some pictures from their emails of his other 3 kids, one of which looks a lot like me when I was a baby. Then she said they were talking about doing a DNA test just to make sure. So hopefully in the next year or so this will be able to happen. And Lord, I pray this man is my father! There are so many things I want to learn about him and maybe even have some kinda relationship.

The first time I saw his profile I was kinda like Wow..I think that’s my dad. I was kinda..idk..shocked maybe. I don’t really know how to explain it. Well yesterday I decided I would get back on and send him an email, cuz I’ve been thinking about ever since. So I sent him a message on Myspace and I had absolutely no idea what to say to him..I mean I didn’t wanna be like..Hi my name is Tosha. Well, you’re my dad..how’s it going? lol.. So basically I told him that I’ve been looking for the man who supposedly is my father and that his name matches. I told him I really think he may be my father and asked if he would please reply back either way. I told him I just wanted to solve a mystery in my life. I told him a few things about me like I’m in college, I’m confident, smart, interested in lots of things..you know, the good things that would make a person proud. I said I’m not trying to intrude or interrupt his life..I’m not looking for a relationship if that’s not what he wants. I’m just wanting to know if that’s him or not. I mean, I’ve been wondering about him my whole life, I wasn’t even sure if he was still alive, you never know these days. I don’t even know my ethnicity..he kinda looks middle eastern though. Anyway, I asked him to please reply back, if he is that’s great, if he isn’t..well I apologized for my embarrassing whole life story and pretty much asked him to ignore it! lol..
That man is my dad..I can feel it. And plus on his page he says he used to live in Germany..
My mom met my dad and I was conceived in Germany.
He likes the same music as my mom.
There was a comment from my mom and he added her as a friend.
And I looked through his pictures and there were a couple that I think kinda looked like me, especially when I was younger. I remember seeing this picture of me making this certain face when I was little and when I first saw his picture that was exactly what popped in my head first.
Idk..I mean how many men with this name, around my mom’s age, who used to live in Germany, and kinda look like me could there be? Or maybe I just really want this to be him and my mind is making me see what I wanna see and this is all just some kind of huge, gigantic coincident..

Hopefully he’ll get back online soon and I’ll be receiving an answer..I’m so anxious!!

So I was at work one day and this girl that comes in and talks to us all the time was there doing just that. Somehow we got on the subject of my ethnicity, which led to the I don’t know my daddy subject which then led to the Have you ever tried finding him subject. I told her I’ve tried looking for him on the internet but it’s so difficult. Then she asked..Have you tried Myspace? It was like a light bulb went off in my head..No I’ve never even thought of that and it’s so simple..who doesn’t have a Myspace these days? She told me a story about when she used to date this guy and they lost touch for like 5 years and he found her on Myspace a few months ago. So I told her I would give it a try. So I went home and searched for Robert Neville. There were hundreds of people with the same name..but the majority of them were people playing around like they were Will Smith in I am Legend..his name was Robert Neville too. So finally I looked at pictures of people who looked like they were real and not playing around. I found one who was around 40, my mom is 39 so I estimated. I read his information and looked around on his page and I got to his comments. There was a comment from my mom! It was one of those cute picture comments, it was a monkey and it said how are you..or something like that. Then underneath that she had said Hey, remember me? I was freaking out! That was a couple weeks ago and it said his last login was June or July 27..so obviously he doesn’t get on very often. I haven’t said anything to my mom about it, and I’m kinda aggravated why she never said anything to me about it. Idk..we’ll see where this all goes.

So I was thinking about past conversations I’ve had with my mom about my dad. I sorta remember a long time ago she said she thought his mom lived in California..so I assumed he probably lives somewhere around there. I was on military.com a couple days ago and since he was in the army I knew he should be in the data bases or whatever they are. So I typed in his name in the buddyfinder on the site and it came up several different men with the same name. And who would have guessed that the first one was Robert Neville in California! So maybe that’s him. Well, maybe it’s not but at least it’s worth a try right. Only problem is I really don’t know where to start. I mean, in a way I’ve already started so I guess I don’t know what my next step is. And I want to talk to my mom more about this but we’re really not that close and I don’t really know how to bring up finding him to her. But I really think 2008 is the year for this. I don’t know what it is..it’s kinda unexplainable but I really think it’s the year. I’ll keep ya updated though!

I think 2008 may be the year for this. I just got this feeling like maybe it’s time to find and meet him. It’s weird. I’ve been thinking about it more often over the past few weeks. I have to think about it some more though and talk to my mom about it first. She knows more about the man than I do. Who knows maybe it will happen..only time will tell.

I was watching the Montell Williams Show yesterday and it was about reunions. It really got me to thinking about finding my father. My mom went into the army where she met my father and got pregnant with me. She left Germany where they were stationed at and came back home to give birth to me. That was the last she saw or heard of him. I’ve thought about doing this for a long time, since I was like 7 or 8 but it was always too difficult. Now I really want to get serious and find him. I just want the opportunity to sit down with him and learn about him. I want to ask him some questions like did he even know about me, and why didn’t he ever try to be a part of my life. I also want to know if he has any other kids and what is he doing with his life. I MOSTLY want to know what race he is because I have absolutely know idea what he is, I just know that my skin is darker and my hair is more coarse than everyone else in my family. I really wish that I could meet the other person who helped create me. He is part of me and I want to get to know him. I’m thinking of writing to Montell or something. I’m almost desperate.