learn to forgive

I recently read an excerpt about a man who treated his ex wife horribly. After years he went back and apologized to her and explained to her why he did the things he did. He had some great reasons and understanding of why he did those awful things.

I tried to imagine what it would be like to get an apology like that from the person I need to forgive. I used to think if I just got an apology it would make things better but I realized a long time ago that will never happen. When I really tried to imagine how I would feel getting an apology like that I realized it wouldnt even matter.

No matter how great of an explanation there is those things still happened and they were still hurtful and nothing will change that. It actually helped me get closer to forgiving because I realized I have two choices. I can either hold on to that hurt or let it go. It’s all up to me. The only thing holding on is doing is hurting me more. So, the best option seems to be let go and move past it. I think I’m almost there. It is far in the past and I don’t think about it much anymore.

I’m just kind of scared that I will say I have forgiven and I’m over it and then in the future have issues arise and realize I’m not over it. But, I guess that’s OK. And…..have you really forgiven someone if you want nothing to ever do with them again? I think if I saw this person out at a restaurant or a store I would just want to ignore them and pretend I don’t know them or see them. Is that truly forgiveness???

I also read an article about how the stories of our victimization become part of our identity. I think that is definitely true for me. I’m trying to change that. I will still speak of what happened to me if it comes up as an interesting anecdote in conversation. But, I’m trying really hard to quit telling this story as part of my identity when people ask certain questions about my life or how I ended up where I am today.

There is an article in the August issue of Yoga Journal about forgiveness. I have found it very helpful. It has some exercises (not yoga exercises!) on forgiveness that I have been working on. I have come to realize that I need to forgive myself for my part in the situations that I still have bitterness about. I feel so bad about myself and how I allowed these things to happen and my part in them. I need to forgive myself before I can forgive anyone else. I highly recommend the article!

I’m starting to realize I need to forgive some people in order to move on in my life. It is so hard for me! I don’t think I completely understand the concept of forgiveness. There is someone in my life I need to forgive. I rarely think about what he did to me anymore. It’s something that is in the past yet when I DO think about it I am still angry at him for what he did to me. I feel like the things he did changed my whole life and still effect me to this day. I can’t just set that aside and say it’s not important anymore. One thing that is helping me is to realize the part I played in the things that happened and how I allowed them to happen. But…that is not enough to get me all the way to forgiveness.