stop being a people pleaser

I have come to realize that I will stop being so worried about making everyone else happy when I care about myself enough to make MYSELF happy. If I care about myself enough to make my well being number one priority then everyone else’s needs and wants will automatically fall lower on the totem pole.

This week was really hard and the next week will be hard also. I have had several presentations at work. They really stress me out because I can NEVER make everyone happy during these times. And when I don’t I get stressed out and upset. I need to learn to accept that I can NEVER make everyone happy. Part of that is being true to myself and being who I am and being proud of it. If the choices I make are authentic and I believe in them it shouldn’t matter to me if the decisions I make don’t make others happy!

I have just realized that the only place I am ever truly 100% relaxed is when I’m at home. It’s the only place I can be myself and not have to worry about what other people think. No matter where I am there is ALWAYS some level of stress involved with me worrying about other people’s opinions. Sometimes it is very minor and sometimes it is so bad I just need to go home and take a hot bath!

I’ve been standing up for myself a little bit more at work lately and it feels good!

The thought of speaking up and doing what I need to do for myself and not pleasing people makes my stomach do flip flops.

I’m starting to think about the possiblity that I’m not as worried about making everyone else happy as I am scared about dealing with their wrath when they are unhappy. If everyone is happy there is no confrontation to deal with.

I’ve been working hard at this one this week. Part of my people pleasing behavior is to always ask other people for advice or endlessly discuss decisions I have to make with them. It’s almost as if I need to get everyone’s approval and OK before I do something. This week when I have had the temptation to do this I have stopped myself and reminded myself of some recent situations where I have NOT been given the best advice by other people. It feels good but I’ve had a good week. I hope I can keep it up even when I’m going through a tougher time. This is only one small aspect of this people pleasing behavior I need to address.

I am starting to feel like a very hollow and empty person because of this quality. I feel like all there is to me is the qualities I have comprised to make everyone around me happy. I don’t really feel like there is a REAL me anywhere to be found.