become more independent

In December I went out and met some friends at a restaurant/ bar/ reunion alone. I really didn’t have any anxiety about it at all. In fact I wanted to go alone. My mom was shocked. She said you’re going alone?? You sure have made progress! That made me feel proud!

Last night I had planned to go out and meet friends to listen to a band. I had decided I was going to go on my own and meet them there. I normally wouldn’t have gone alone but I’m getting more comfortable with this. I then changed my mind and decided not go because the weather was really bad. I feel really good about making this decision and not feeling like I had to go out just because my friends were.

The other night I went out alone to a bar to listen to a band and met some friends there. Normaly I would never do that! I would typically have wanted to meet up ahead of time and go together. I think this is a step in the right direction.

I just had dinner alone at a restaurant for the first time the other night! I think that’s a pretty big deal and I hardly even thought twice about it.

I am becoming more independent by coming to the realization that no one really has my best interest at heart except for me! I was really proud of myself last night because I installed a light fixture in my family room. I had never done this before. I didn’t think I could but someone told me it would be easy so I gave it a shot. My cousin was over and he kept trying to help me and wanting to do parts of it for me. I think that is the story of my life. People treat me as if I can’t handle anything myself. That leads to so many other issues. It makes you lose confidence in yourself and lowers your self esteem when no one ever lets you do anything for yourself.

I think this is partly an issue for me because my parents were very overprotective and always there hovering taking care of me. They still are! In some ways I have broken away. I have moved away from them, live on my own, financially independent etc. But now I think I still tend to lean on them and other people just because it’s easier and what I’m used to. It’s easier to turn to someone else when you have a problem than trying to work it out yourself but I don’t think it’s healthy and I want to stop.